Vidal's Dolly Realm

Dusty Doll contd.

2009-07-21T02:07:00.000+01:00

Two years ago today, I met the woman who would do so much more than simply change my life. She made it her own, and taught me to make it my own for her without any conscious effort on her part. The avatar known as Vidal Tripsa changed from 'clueless explorer' to 'doll with a purpose' inside of a week.

Now, that most cherished of my loves has gone.

It pains me to have to justify what I say, but I need people to know that this is not some melodramatic blaming session, nor an angry rant at my now-departed keeper. I love and cherish Soph's memory still, and I will remain hers eternally. I know nothing else, which is part of my problem - how does a doll go on when she is left alone, no matter how positive and just the cause is?

The truth is that I do not know, and while the conflict causes me no pain at the moment, I am stuck between a disconcerting life in which my Rosa Mystica binds me only to the abstract, and that scariest of prospects - the 'remove account' link.

The fact I cannot remove myself from this to-and-fro concerns me, but I know that what I need most rationally is an outside stimulus to help right myself. I cut myself from many of these some time ago by my own anti-sociability.

And so the doll grows dustier upon the shelf.

I'm Ready

2009-05-22T01:02:00.000+01:00

This article is cross-posted from my new Dreamwidth blog. I know it's not exactly in keeping with what this blog was about, but.. that's one reason for creating another, really. My apologies if anyone's still been watching this space. As those who know me in-world would guess though, not being around much gives me very little at all to talk about! It's for this reason that the new blog takes a much more personal slant. I will, however, keep general dolly themes in mind for this blog's future, though.

I think I'm ready to be again.

For those coming to my blog anew, this will probably sound a little odd, but you should know that I have been quiet for a long while. I'm using this space, a kind gift from a friend of my family, to try and 'get my mojo back', 'find my voice' - however you want to put it.

For those perhaps coming to my blog as linked to from the dusty corners of the web I once frequented.. hi! I missed you, but as I'm sure you know, I missed me too.

There are many reasons why I stepped away, and only a few of them were actually by my own will, or that of my Puppeteer. For coming back I need to focus on the moving on, and I have decided that actually, little is going to change. Before I left, work at Extropia had taken over a hefty part of my life, but I was still clinging on to my hobbies at Vidal's Dolly Realm and on lovely sites like Tumblr, or with friends about the social web. I'm not sure how much of this is actually going to continue, as I accumulated a good bunch of wasteful channels, and so I'll be culling these as I go along.

What I found missing was my sense of wonderment, of play and of fantasy. The grind of building at Extropia had become pretty numbing, as much as I adore the place, and for over a year now I've been conjuring little fantasies inside my head, never able to share them. This was a particular nuisance for leaving me a tad distanced from those I love, who I feel were also being left out a bit. The ultimate embodiment of this has been my doll's house. One day I'll try to describe this place, and in fact it may even be a good serial topic for this very space on Dreamwidth, but for now I'll describe it merely as a home in my imagination for all the fun things I want to do with my digital life, with some very special people, and for my own sense of.. not even 'well-being', but 'being'.

So, I'm ready. Ready to be more 'me', to speak out a little more, and hopefully to share some more. It may be risqué, the kinks may be quite niche, but it may also be fun. I hope it will be.

Thank you.

Two

2009-02-15T17:40:00.000Z

So, I feel like a wisened old dolly now. I turned two years old yesterday, on Valentine's Day, and have once again given myself the excuse to be all.. reflective an' stuff.

I feel like my world has some very real clarity to it. This past year was somehow far more momentous than my first one, despite that one having turned me from the tanned Vidal of Mindulle to the porcelain doll you've come to know - from solo adventurer to beloved family member, and a creator of trinkets to co-founder of a nation. This second year has been punctuated by major changes of its own though, and many of these will evolve over the course of my coming year. Throughout it all though, I know that the love I have for my family is stronger than ever.

Following an extended period of doubt and (sadly) depression, I'm far surer of myself now than I've ever been, although there is still a long path to follow. That stands true for myself and for my Puppeteer, themselves not immune to the changes I and my family have endured.

One member of my family has sadly departed for a spell, but she's left us with characteristic dignity in a period of bittersweet calm. I am proud of my Argent, and her spell has only affirmed the relationships we of the Family Stenvaag have with each other.

I came to understand my sense of place. In accepting who and what I am, a sense of ease has descended upon myself and those around me. This has prompted some major changes to my second life, and although I cannot speak about this much now, the first change was my departure from New World Notes. Naturally, my appointment as a games writer there was one of the highlights in my past year, and it was fun. Still, times changed and I sought to remain true to myself.

I found that this 'truth to my myself' raised a curiosity: I'm celebrating my rezday today, but why did I not do so yesterday? I think that for the first time in such a long while, I felt no need to be me. No obligations, only pleasure and acceptance that things are allowed to come as they may. For that I enjoy relief today, and the sort of calm which I believe comes from being a mature digital person. Here's to my next year, of calm and enjoyment of this tender and beautiful world I'm a part of.

Dusty Doll

2009-01-26T18:27:00.000Z

I'm sorry.

Friends and family have been neglected, and I'm aware that there are people outside my usual contacts list who might be reading tweets or articles, or perhaps even trying to get in touch with me at Extropia, but the fact is that as a doll living in Second Life, I am depressed.

Nasty or annoying times have come and gone, but my Second Life (in capital letters) feels unsavoury like never before. I've no intention to leave, but I feel like I have so few reasons to stay, either. My second life (lowercase) is moving wonderfully as ever, but is being dragged down by SL's hardware glitches, some unwelcome obligations and an increasing level of rudeness. One might look upon a list like that and see no cause for my complaint - even when taken alone, these are matters which pose no real damaging threat, which is to say little when compared with other reasons for staying away. Still I'm beginning to realise that this is not what I want from my second life. I live for the indulgence in beauty, the warmth of a supportive family and the joy in being able to do what I want to. I'm a doll. I most certainly should not be looking to my first life for escapism, and yet now that is precisely what I'm doing.

So, I'm sorry, but I cannot bring myself to 'be' right now. I'm absolutely keeping up communication with those I care most about via the various chat and web 2.0 platforms I have outside the Grid, but for now I really feel a strong need to keep the hell away from the Grid itself.

Onwards to 2009

2009-01-01T12:49:00.000Z

I suppose it's customary for a blogger to reflect on what's passed and what lays ahead on such days as this. I'm just glad of the excuse to write, given my lack of dolly inspiration lately.

2008 has been a peculiar year, and my Puppeteer's been musing on that too. In around the first half of the year I became the focal point of my Puppeteer's two lives, and came to understand a little of the working Second Life. Given how Extropia's communal architecture is not the highly-detailed beacon of sci-fi creativity that I'd hoped for, it wasn't a particularly productive working life. Still, opportunities came and went, I and my family ploughed on, and towards the latter half things began to change dramatically. I can't really go into details, but these changes are now building up and I find myself slowly adapting to them.

2009 is going to be a big year for me personally, as well as for my Puppeteer in their First Life interests. It's likely that you'll see less of the dolly Vidal as time goes on, but this may be a positive thing too. 2007 was the year in which I was born and moulded, growing from solo explorer to part of a small group at Mindulle, to family doll and community architect. By 2008 I had my family and a purpose in Extropia, and this year has been a steady anchor. In 2009 though, it's Puppeteer's turn for maturing and breaking out into the metaverse, and I believe I shall come to find my place as a more mature, reflective doll sat upon the shelf. Clearly, I hope never to be abandoned to First Life sensibilities, but a fantasy can only continue for so long before matters risk turning sour.

I'm hoping that 2009 will still be resplendent in beautiful things to strike my awe, in fantastical adventures to excite my very existnce, and for prosperity to allow my second life a few luxuries here and there. That would be nice, and in the critical climate of our metaverse and the atomic world it echoes, I hope you can enjoy some of that too.

~ Vidal

The Vidal Channel

2008-12-06T00:35:00.003Z

Please excuse me for making such a hefty diversion from my usual doll-related content, however one issue has been bugging me and I hope I can make some people's news feeds easier by fixing it.

My social networks are a mess. I recently tried to demonstrate this in my Tumblelog and the results are indecipherable even to me. No matter how I try to trim it down, I am sharing too much across networks which cross-reference each other, and I fear that someone such as yourself might be turned off by such nonsense. There's actually not much work involved at my end, but hassle at the receiving end is something I certainly don't want. If anybody has some useful suggestions they can offer, do feel free to chip in!

At the moment, I share for three reasons and these have three audiences. You may not even be aware of this, so messy is my delivery:

Dolly content for my fellow digital dolls, and those interested in keeping them
Found images, links, articles, found videos, playlists, books
Steampunk and "raypunk" materials for Extropia, in my capacity as Director of Architecture
Found images, links, articles
Fun and inspirational content for my friends, family and readers
Status, photos, articles, found images, links, videos, found videos, images, playlists, a wishlist ...but no books yet

Most of the time this tries to be faciltated by tags which then have individual feeds attached, but when only about half of what I use has tags as a feature, what am I to do?

As is typical for my friends and colleagues, I have 'aggregated' presence on the following 'sites:

Avatars United : : Blogger widgets : : Facebook : : Friendfeed : : Ning fora : : Tumblr

By the by, you are of course invited to subscribe to my Tumblelog and my blogs should you wish, but I do not accept friend requests from strangers yet on A.U., Ning communities or Facebook.

... and as anyone who follows me on these services will know, I have no sense of quality control about what goes on there. By that I mean that each service gets an odd dose of Extropia-related media and some dolliness mixed in with the usual guff which just happens to interest me. I've considered taking service like Friendfeed and Tumblr and dedicating each to one particular audience, but I have no idea what people would actually like. That's where you come in, really.

What takes your fancy? What're you actually using to see me? Does one 'channel' look more tempting than the others?

Avatars United
Newsfeed subscription

Blogs (Vidal's Dolly Realm)
Photos
Status
Videos

Ning communities
Extropia forum
Extropia Defense Force
RSS or newsfeed subscription

Blog (Building Extropia)
Links
Playlists
Photos
Videos
Found articles

Tumblr
RSS or newsfeed subscription

Links
Found articles
Found images
Found quotes
Found videos

Facebook
Newsfeed subscription

Tumblr
Blog (Vidal's Dolly Realm)
Books
Photos
Playlists
Status
Videos

Friendfeed
RSS or newsfeed subscription

Tumblr
Blogs (Vidal's Dolly Realm, Vidal's Extropian Realm, Building Extropia, and "Trip"'s Flight Log)
Photos
Playlists
Status (Plurk and Twitter)
Videos

Licensing My Own Face?

2008-12-05T20:12:00.001Z

My good friend Botgirl recently posted an interesting primer for Twinity, the beta-version 'mirror' virtual world. In it she described how her avatar instantly took on a more familiar appearance through the face mapping tool, almost certainly designed with first life self portraits in mind. In Botgirl's case of course, she founded her appearance by photographing herself inside Second Life, then uploading the image to Twinity for its software to map the new face. The results speak for themselves, as she looked just the same - a rarity amongst avatarkind. The things is, she didn't create her appearance. I'm not aware who she buys her skins from, but whoever it is we immediately face an interesting question of artistic copyright - something else which Botgirl has sought to discuss recently.

My perspective on this is the doll's perspective, naturally. My appearance is at the very core of who I am, and it's not just because I'm proud of my own form. I stoutly refuse to change because I want to be unique and recognisable. It makes sense then that I too would want my presence in other worlds to follow that suit. Yet my appearance is founded entirely on other people's work, rearranged by myself into some sort of humanoid playlist.

When we photograph ourselves and use that image in other worlds or even in profile pictures and the traditional 2D avatar as on Facebook, do we owe anything morally or legally to the skin texturer and hair designer? Moreso than clothes, they're a part of our image, and yet they're made in just the same way. On the other hand, are skin, eye and hair merchants accepting the fact that they are selling licenses to use the image of their product regardless of the world that image is used in? As well as this, what do we owe to creators who make whole avatars? This moral maze must be ten times more difficult when we consider robot, furry and dragon avatars, for example. Compared to them, this doll counts herself lucky.

Introducing Thanatea!

2008-11-28T17:30:00.002Z

A string of seemingly unrelated events appear to have led to a fun and quite light new project for myself and my Puppeteer.

It was most noticably catalysed by the approach of a curious shopper in BareRose, while some of those closest to me accompanied me on a much-needed shopping trip. A fairly newly-cut resident to our Grid asked me where I got my shape, which always flatters me. She did ask if she could have a copy, not quite understanding of the individuality some of us feel in our forms; there is no way I would ever part with my shape to any other Puppeteer of course, but the gesture did give me ideas nevertheless. This combined with my enjoyment of fashion spreads, as well as a continued frustration with the way mesh skirts never fit my frame reminded me of just how many outfits do not fit me. Despite my pride in who I am and the fact I never want to change that shape, part of me has longed to be sleek and slim. I may just have fancied the change.

Luckily I happen to have a sister. Her name is Thanatea, and a few months ago she ventured out into the World of Warcraft in my place. Thanatea grew from a dark and frumpy reflection of me, not cared for at all (unless a dependence on her for backups counts), into an elegant and wide-eyed blood elf of the Horde. Sadly Thanatea is a lone dolly, not able to play with her penpals in the American servers, but she grew to the extent that I formed an Avatars United page for her.

Now though, she's emerged back into Second Life, and the time came for her dolly shell to truly reflect who she is. My Puppeteer turned doll maker once more, for only the third time in my entire life:

Outfits:

'Strapless' by Maiiya
'White Mist' by BareRose
'Decadence' by BareRose
'Madam Thorn' by BareRose

Accessories:

'Messy' hair by Minnu Palen
'Whisp' skin by Sin Skins
Eyes by me
Shoes and poses by Maitreya

Drink

2008-11-22T20:06:00.002Z

And even in my love and absorption with the beauty of the world, I sought to learn nothing that could be given back to humanity. I drank of the beauty of the world as a vampire drinks.

So said Louis de Point du Lac towards the end of Anne Rice's Interview with Vampire, in reflection upon his two hundred-odd years as an immortal. I read this book only a few weeks ago, and now that I've seen the film adaptation too I feel profoundly connected to it, as marionette and Puppeteer both. Vampire fiction may not seem like the most obvious choice for one looking to explore the theme of 'dollhood', but Rice's book more than any other I've read seems to epitomise the ideals which I now hold so dear.

Those who've seen the film or read the book will know that Claudia is my reference here - the five-year old girl, frozen in age and beauty the moment she was turned into a vampire; a woman with the appearance of a beautiful toy, and a predeliction for the dolls she is gifted. Claudia is treated like a doll too, and in a liberal sense I believe this could be a part of Louis' bond with her. She is his doll-like daughter, to be cherished and lavished with beauty.

I shall resist temptation to go on, as the book is a think of beauty to be experienced first-hand. I recommend either medium; though the film and book differ on some points, none of them are a part of the essential plot, but the book obviously has much more tell, of mood and detail. I read this expecting a gripping vampiric tale, and received much more than that from my efforts. I fell for its romantic plot, but also for its characters, empathising deeply with both Louis and Claudia - the girl for her 'dolliness', and Louis as a true aesthete. He is above all guide for this doll-like creature - someone any Puppeteer would aspire to, realised in film. My own Puppeteer is not a vampire in the literal sense of course, but now I begin to feel a similarity. Beauty can be as blood, and though I have dreams of giving some of it back, I remain content to gorge on its aesthetic delights.

...it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...

~ Lester Burnham in American Beauty

Filling in for Time

2008-11-16T23:31:00.000Z

Apologies for this continued quiet! More and more I find less and less time to sit down and write, let alone to feel properly attached to these puppet strings of mine. It's tough to be the marionette who's not played with so often any more, but thankfully my nature allows me the leisure of unconsciousness while I'm packed away. Without that little trait, I'd be one very bored individual, I'm sure! My Puppeteer is thankfully unaffected by my distance - rest assured.

For those who might still be interested in the sort of media I used to share here far more frequently, you might like to take a gander at my dolly Google Reader feed, the Second Life Dolls Flickr pool or my shiny new Tumblr feed, which accomodates doll content as well as other things that have caught my roving eye. It's lazy and I can only apologise, but it is easier to microblog these days, with a tag here or a "share" there. I do what I can to include such media in the sidebar here, but I'm also well aware of the joys of RSS and how it leaves actually visiting a blog as redundant practice!

Slack Strings May Still Yield Good Results

2008-10-26T00:20:00.001+01:00

I've been away for quite some time this month and last, and even now I've yet to catch up with some folks in-world, but this blog and some other aspects of my second life have run woefully dry, too. "I've been away" articles are quite common, even in my own blogs, however this more than my other times has been an absence with poignancy to it.

Since taking a holiday earlier this year, I have been a firm believer in such 'vacations' lending one an unparalleled new perspective on just how important some parts of your second life might be. This became especially evident when I was forced into an unprecedented three weeks away from the puppet strings, and now that I'm back(ish) I feel both more and less like a doll for it.

The reasons for "less" should be obvious - I've become detached from people and my culture now more than ever before, and this is particularly noticeable in my keepers. It's hard to feel like a reliable source of affection and beauty when I'm lucky to meet one of my keepers once in a week. As of yet I am not sure how this has actually affected me. There's a numbing which happens as a defence against such absence, and it seems to tie my writing 'tongue' up, too.

"More" doll-like is a less obvious symptom, and was a surprise to me which emerged in discussion with my friend and kindred soul, Azaiya. It seems that in absence of my dolly self here, I managed to transplant my interests more firmly into my first life while I was offline. My puppeteer is far from engaging in mannequin practise or hanging itself from handles for fun, but still I caught it buying more clothes than usual (not far removed from what I wear, either - see photo), and in place of my usual deviantART and Google Images trawls, it was out buying more personal artworks to go on its walls. My puppeteer's home, liberated from the family home of old since it moved, has become more like mine. There are indulgences, luxury and beauty in its life now, and we both feel the calming effects of that.

Some may see objectification, transformation and shiny apparel fantasies as dangerous, sick and fetishised, and they would probably be right. These sorts of factors are what keep doll fantasists like myself and my puppeteer in the dark, as little secrets. I'd defy anyone to tell me that embracing more beautiful things in their life is a negative outcome from my experiences here, though. I can take pride in that, far beyond the private second life that I lead with those I love. It has the added bonus of enriching my second life just as much as my first, with double the experiences to share. If I can only find the time to manage it, I hope I can share some more of that with you too, o visitors to my realm.

Links:

Photo source, New York Times

Pierrot Vidal

2008-09-16T18:03:00.003+01:00

Dark Pierrot, originally uploaded by vidaltripsa.

I concede it - I'm so well into this style of dress-up that I do want my dark pierrot self to break free and be independent. Meet Dark Pierrot Vidal - an otherwise nameless and creepy doll with a tendency to skulk and slink around the back of your sofa.

I'm as unsure of her personality as you probably are, but it's her look I'm most attached to - a combination of Minnu Palen (hair), AVZ (strings & headdress), Illusions (mask), Shapes by Zada (eye), Nixie (eye), Shiny Girl (skin), Kyrah Design Concept (catsuit) and Maitreya (shoes). My particular thanks to Siyu Suen of Illusions for making such delightful masks - it's shopping at her place which sparked this deliciously fun change!

Once I'd gotten myself dressed so, I spent a lovely evening with friends and family. These shots are what resulted:

After All That Shopping...

2008-09-15T22:10:00.001+01:00

Masked at Illusions, originally uploaded by vidaltripsa.

... this was the result. Dress-Me-Up Vidal has gone very alternative; I'm even considering another doll brand just to contain her.

This is, of course, what resulted of my shopping at Illusions, but it has the added bonus of my finally putting Minnu Palen 'Medusa' hair and 'Twisted Doll' prim dress to good use. The blindfold is by Illusions, and my one exposed eye is by Azaiya Aeon.

It's good to break the mould a bit, for once.

Purple Calm

2008-09-15T01:55:00.000+01:00

Friends of mine will know that I have often mourned the loss of one of my former pastimes; it's a hobby that I list in every 'interests' field on every social network I've wormed into, and it's shopping.

I still buy new clothes of course, often a few times a week, if I can afford it. My puppeteer is only human. The difference between that and true shopping however, is that I have never just sat in a place and let ideas wash over me. Instead I have gone looking for specific items from my wishlist, or been alerted to a new look in similarly specific fashion. I decided to change that today, being in an explorative mood. My stop was Illusions, in Carnivale.

I'd come to Illusions many moons ago, back when my second life had no income to speak of at all, and the temptations of the shop's carnival masks and harlequin gear were just too far out of reach. I'd drifted apart from Madame Suen's product updates and such too, but on my return today I found a shop that was both warm and familiar. Browsing her wares is such a delight, and the decor is plush enough to have encouraged me to stay long after I'd claimed my masked teddy, witch's hat and a sexy satin blindfold.

While contemplating the Venician carnival masks that Siyu is best known for, I even happened across that most rare delights from shopping - a charming and helpful, well-dressed fellow shopper. Certain stores' clientelle are often very well-turned-out, and I've been known to politely ask folks where they came by certain garments. My newly-acquired hat is tipped to Boozy Forcella, who kindly passed me details of a fabulous dress she was wearing - for a date, no less! That brief encounter is what I realise now as a perfect exchange of beauty. A handsome woman in an appealing dress catches my eye, we share compliments, and I'm set on a path to attain a bit of that for myself.

Hm. I'm beginning to sound like Torley Linden now. Ace.

So, here's to quiet, measured indulgence, and to purple - Illusions' colour of choice, my favourite colour in the world, and that hue which has a most delicious association with vanity.

Links:

Stunned by Mosh

2008-09-11T00:29:00.000+01:00

I should perhaps consider myself lucky to have inhabited a life with such a simple goal - to find and live out or through beauty. It doesn't take long for me to find beauty in this digital echo of our world that is the internet, and it's a joy to have myself bowled over by new and wondrous things every time I go looking.

Today I fell in love with a new model's portfolio. I say "new", meaning new from my perspective, though she is quite young all the same. She goes by the name of Miss Mosh on deviantART, though I found her by way of Model Mayhem (via Thrall). Now that the linking is out of the way, on to a short visual playlist which has blown my mind all over again:

I want to own both of those outfits, and to have my doll self look that way, in such a manner as you would not believe.

These two photos are much more gothic in feel and present a visual language which I'd love to master for creating a doll's house some day.

I heartily recommend you try Mosh's Model mayhem and dA galleries, linked to at the top of this article. Now, by some extraordinary coincidence I may finally get around to reading my copy of Gothic Beauty, a magazine which my puppeteer picked up on holiday. According to Mosh's CV, she's actually featured in the issue I happened to grab. I like those sorts of coincidences.

Credits:

All pieces features "Mosh", and should be attributed to (in order): Venus Wept, Kencredible, and WinterWolf Studios for the last two.

Cyberdoll Vidal

2008-09-08T22:49:00.000+01:00

Continuing on from a style of post I first picked up for "Trip" all those many months ago, I'd like to introduce the newly-defined Cyberdoll Vidal.

This doll, more than any other in the collection, is bound by unfortunate circumstance. Like her siblings, she was born to a now-deceased, human male creator. Hers was a research and development scientist at Gemini Cybernetics, one day caught skimming spare and broken parts from the company's 'synth' (synthetic beings) production lines. He was collecting spare parts in order to build his nameless doll - an indulgent creation kept safe at his home. When the authorities were alerted to the mech-smith's activities he was arrested, despite panicked excuses that he had made her for them.

In a world where neko hybrids are shunned as incomplete and the human population have their jobs stolen by Gemini's fleets of synth workers, Vidal's creator had tried to justify his creation by convincing them that she could work for mediation in Insilico City. His pleas fell on deaf ears, and the creator was soon disposed of.

The doll escaped, thanks to contingency plans hard-coded into her by her creator. He had foreseen his own arrest as a threat, and his posthumous gift to his much-loved creation was the means to escape and disguise herself amongst the city-dwellers. She morphed her body into a new form, tinted her skin and hair and slipped out into the populace, activating personality emulation software in order to blend in. As the excitement calmed, the doll began to explore the world around her, looking out for stories from her kindred synths, free of slavery. It was then that she came to hear of the Vidal sisterhood of dolls, and she adopted the name and shared experiences as her own.

Vidal of Insilico remains one step away from exile at all times, but has successfully escaped most danger by using hyperactive chrysalis techniques to her advantage. Her original design, to provide non-sexual companionship and pleasure, remains her dominant motivation. She remains only partially self-aware, but is quickly learning that this new world has a lot to teach her if she is to survive.

Links:

Flapper Marionettes

2008-08-27T00:36:00.000+01:00

As puppeteer and doll both I'm not big on musicals, but also don't shirk them. I'm the sort who's seen a few, have enjoyed parts of them, and have at rare times felt a deep impact from their stories. Chicago is not one of the ones I'd particularly remembered, so when I watched the 2002 film version with Catherine Zeta Jones and Renée Zellweger today it was only my second viewing, and a casual one at that. I was reminded that Chicago is a sexy number to be sure. Once I got over a scary, self-imagined likeness between Velma Kelly and my Soph (right), I had a wonderful audio/visual treat smacked right back at me. "Of course! This has a marionette number!"

We Both Reached for the Gun, in which superstar lawyer Billy Flynn holds a press conference with Roxie Hart as his client. She has been arrested rightfully for homicide and has employed this slick-talking lawyer to build her profile and earn sympathy amongst the public. Cue a wonderful visual analogy with Roxie a ventriloquist's dummy and Chicago's press as puppets on strings:

... and just to top things off, Roxie mania sparks off merchandising like this:

My Week In First Life

2008-08-24T14:54:00.002+01:00

If my previous, art-related post didn't suggest the fact already, I'm back from my puppeteer's holidays. My time in-world since then has been a lot more focused and disciplined as settling in takes its toll, and it feels good for it. It seems that sometimes I simply do not need to be myself, but during times when I have been myself I have had deep chats and a lot of fun this week. I think that's what my dear Argent might say are signs of a healthier balance.

My holiday was a break from many things, and the biggest break was taken from computers in general. Short of fixing up a first-family member's wireless router I managed to never even think about the digital world until the better parts of my second life peeked out into my holiday. I've already allowed some of my shopping habits to seep out into my first life - dressing my puppeteer a little more like myself, or example. These shopping habits came back to haunt me quite wonderfully while I was away, and the dolly within me is particularly glad indeed to see that French Connection UK is now stocking and displaying rubber trousers on its mannequins and shop assistants - glad, that is, even though the girls in leggings reduced my puppeteer to an embarassing wreck.

My dearest crossover moment came when the puppeteer took a dip out of the sights and sounds of the Edinburgh Fringe to visit the Museum of Childhood. I feel silly for not expecting it, but of course suc a museum featured a wide array of dolls and puppets amongst the bicycles, cartoons and playsets also on display. It was with some warm delight that I saved part of my memory card for dolly photos, justified by the knowledge that it'll be handy reference for crafting my doll's house in future.

To save hijacking my puppeteer's Flickr space then, I submitted a shocking array of high-definition photographs to my own account. You won't believe the graphics in that there First Life.

'Poupette' by Kean Kelly

2008-08-21T13:09:00.001+01:00

poupette, originally uploaded by [ ²K ].

There are many wonderful photographs that are submitted to the Second Life Dolls Flickr pool, which I founded, but this photo more than most recently has really arrested my imagination. The plump lips, the soft silk blouse over a disproportionate chest and her treatment as a scratched paper print, conjouring imaginings of rain, all make for something that's inspired me. I had to share it.

My thanks go to Miss Kelly for sharing this in our humble doll group!

Laying the Strings to Rest for a While

2008-08-09T16:11:00.000+01:00

So, things are winding down now, but such is the apparent vibrancy of my second life now that I may well regret just leaving for my holiday and leaving things up in the air. I'll not be gone long - only a week from Tuesday, however as I have my hand in a few pies I just need to make a few boring, non-dolly announcements.

In Zabrina's absence, "Trip" has barely been responsible for running the EDF, but now command passes to Commander Phineas Messmer for the week anyway.
Extropia Forum and the Extropia Flickr pool are already supported by my family and fellow directors, so if there's a problem at all, they're there for you.
Second Life Dolls at Flickr only attracts a handful of submissions even on a good week, so I'll not be looking for a substitute admin. here. That said, rest assured that any submissions made in the next week will be looked at, and may be submitted when I come to catch up.
As for Extropian business, any concerns may be directed to Galatea Gynoid as Chairman and fellow community architect. Her office hours are held on Wednesday nights at 5pm SLT and Saturday afternoons at 12pm SLT. As ever, all events enquiries should go to Sophrosyne Stenvaag.
Enquiries at Nebula, if there be any need for them (there hasn't so far in four months of business), will be dealt with from Wednesday the 20th.

As I said, though, holiday starts on Monday night into Tuesday, so I'm not gone just yet. :)

Face Value

2008-08-08T15:14:00.000+01:00

Hello. This is me.

My darling keeper has reminded me of this, and in the course of reading feedback from this I've realised that questions of appearance have come as something of a second phase in my re-awakening.

Sometimes the way my dolly self appears has formed the principal reason for me maintaining a digital livelihood, i.e. a distance between my first and second personae. As a doll, this matters not to me. So, I'm an idealised fantasy version of a humanoid form; that's exactly what I should be! To adopt a 'realistic', organic form would be to deny my sense of self. As an avatar in the virtual realm, it's a symbol of the distance I have from first life sensibilities, too. I look like a fantasy because I am that; I'm a fantastical aspect of a meta-self. As an avatar in the physical world, however, I'm a character, or an inaccurate physical representation compared to that which tweaks my puppet strings.

A question is raised, based on the motivations behind the crafting our appearances here. The way I look makes me happy, so that's my motivation, but what are the motives in those who choose to adopt a more organic form, and is it right, wrong or insignificant that many of us might feel a pressure to push the sliders one way or another?

It's at times like this that I realise not everyone here is a puppet, like me. Despite us all using pretty much the same equipment to get about, the manner in which we regard what we do and how we look clearly differs from one person to the next.

More Dolly Goodness from Peter Coulson

2008-08-07T02:48:00.001+01:00

Peter Coulson is an Australia-based photographer who I've mentioned once or twice before. He's known on deviantART as Koukei, and amidst an already impressive photographic portfolio he continues to shoot pieces of a decidedly doll-like nature. If I may, I just wanted to feature two of his works which particularly caught my eye when I sifted through my devWatch for the first time in a while.

I'd comment, but the images really do speak for themselves, I feel.

Dolls IV by Peter Coulson

Eye of Anne D by Peter Coulson

Credits:

Both photographs are © Peter Coulson.

So, FL Women Can Become Barbies!

2008-08-06T03:13:00.000+01:00

Asudem gets all the best links sent to her. One of the more recent videos to feature on her Dolls Realm blog is a promotion for a Canadian magazine, Selling Out in Style. In it, a model is transformed in high-speed capture from ordinary woman to bubbly Barbie-esque doll. She may not be my type of doll but the process still has my transformation-loving heart all a-flutter.

Transformation mannequin en barbie
Video
Envoyé par lola_k sur wat.tv

Credits:

Sourced via a link sent to Dolls Realm, by Asudem Latex.

Breathe...

2008-08-06T02:28:00.001+01:00

Just a quickie post today, I'm afraid. I've been meaning to announce for some time that this doll is going through some changes. Waist in, hips down, bust upwards... I got myself a corset, and my dear keepers have been tugging it tightly around me since the weekend.

For the briefest moment when I had a doll of my own, I was exposed to the wonder of a corseted figure. As I am someone who is often flirting with body modifications of all sorts, I quickly became fixated by the idea. I stumped up a cool L$890 for my KAS Corset, and have since had a whale of a time watching my waist be crumpled into a divine, curvaceous form.

The corset works by timing how long you wear it for. Keep the corset on for 5 or so hours and you will pass a new 'level', unlocking the next tightness setting. This ranges from 'comfy' to 'tight', 'strict' and 'breathless'. Suffice it to say, the final setting would make Mademoiselle Polaire proud. I reached that phase just moments before writing, however I'll leave the visual impact as a surprise for those who know me. That said, I need something to tease you with, and so here's me in my 'strict' corset, undergoing training still.

KAS may be found in Freihafen, and sells corsets, restricting neck braces and more.

Digital Dollz

2008-08-01T22:37:00.000+01:00

One hobby I developed a while back on this very blog (well, alright, the blog that became this one) and which has been neglected of late is my trawling of deviantART and Google Images. It's easy to understand abandoning the latter option, as quite frankly I rarely ever find anything of use in searches. The former still holds some sway, though, and in time I hope to try again and share some of the artwork I find, as I used to.

Not today, though. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about this name I sometimes attach to myself. I'm a doll, yes, but I'm digital. My friends know what this means; I'm obviously a doll made up of a mesh, and who lives in a digital world. I'm not a physical doll. Outside the scope of Second Life, though, the meaning becomes a little fuzzier. Just a touch. One of the biggest associations that the internet has made for dolls is the idea of pixel dolls. I generally dislike them and find them an obstruction to my looking for more generally-accepted dolls, but very, very rarely, I see their charms in the hands of a careful dollmaker.

Pixel dolls, a.k.a. Dollz, are pixel-based artworks based on a template. Much like their paper equivalent, which sees a nude form dressed up with little paper cut-out dresses and wigs layered on top, a digital doll template is there to be dressed up in any number of conceivable ways. Most of the time, dollzmakers (as I doubt they are called; Wikipedia states that they're called 'dollers') will make use of someone else's template. I flirted with this practice a little while ago but didn't get myself involved deeply enough to come to know any artisans or stand-out designers. The better dollz are, in my experience, made entirely from scratch, however.

There are some parallels here with my own life. Dollers live off other content providers, and while they may not be exchanging Linden Dollars to accomplish their work, there are often trades in skill, collaborations, or simple crediting where credit's due. One aspect these dollz have that I have now come to envy is that they can be made interactive.

I'm sure we're all familiar with the common practice of childrens' websites to offer a dress-up game. A doll in her underwear is presented to you and you must dress her up, either to wrap her up snugly for a Polar expedition or to print her design off in order to colour it in. That sort of practice is available to dollers too, although obviously it's not quite so infantile.

One example I came across is the work of Less Ruth, who designs for oekaki-based, scripted platforms. Quite how interactive his dollz become, I have no idea, but they tend to be far more detailed than most other offerings. The fashions, too, leave me salivating, as with Police Suit 15 on the right and Space Cadet here at deviantART.

So, while I may look harshly upon the glittery, bling-reliant efforts of the majority of dollz I do find that there are advantages to being a pixel doll rather than a 3D one. I would like certain others to have this power over me, to dress me up at their will rather than their suggestion. I might also quite enjoy being stamped across any website that would have me, as dollz are.

CREDITS:

Goth and wedding dollz © StyleDollz.info

Police Suit dollz © Less Ruth

'Twisted Doll' by AVZ

2008-07-31T00:33:00.004+01:00

For those who so far haven't noticed, I have absorbed my old fashion blog, Dressing Vidal, into this one for a more rounded write-up of dolly life. What is a doll without her clothes?

Update: It turns out that the 'no mod' permissions I make mention of in this article are actually an unintended oversight, and that the dress has now been updated with all the correct permissions in tact. My thanks and apologies to Hern Worsley for fixing this.

I have a weakness, and that is an eye for anything that has the word 'doll' in the title. It was my great pleasure, then, to have that weakness exploited again on a visit to AVZ Cyberteknik, once a far more regular haunt of mine than it is today. Tucked away in the corner, as with most dolly outfits at large shops, was 'Twisted Doll', perhaps the most extreme style that I have ever draped across my porcelain mesh.

AVZ is a shop well-known for its industrial brand of cyber gear. With outfits like this I can perhaps see where the "Cyberteknik" dropped from its name, as while there is a hint of that same grunginess to this dress, it's not really all that 'cyber'. In fact I feel that in the hands of a decent model it could be combined with a fitting dress to really stand out in a formal setting. As I wear it, however, in its raw state, I get a feeling of impossible punk glamour.

There is only one problem, and sadly this hit me well before I managed to absorb the positive sides to this new look. The dress is designed for one type of doll, and that is a tall, Barbie-skinny one. My stubby little frame means that the bustiere took some tweaking, else the bra part cover little more than my shoulders. The armlets too sit a little 'off' on my upper arm, but despite all parts of this dress being sold with permissions to modify and copy, the prims are immovable. I can always understand when a skirt can be shrunk no further, for instance, due to small parts. The armlets here, though, cannot even be enlarged for reason that baffle me, and so I'm stuck with a barbed wire effect.

It's perhaps not such a bad thing to have prims poking into my arm in such painful fashion, however. It's little punishment compared to the giant nails that some cruel-minded child appears to have driven into my spine, neck and breasts. I was shocked to see these parts of the dress at first; I've always been rather turned off by torture and gore. With 'Twisted Doll' there is something different happening here, however. I actually find an odd beauty in seeing one's fishnetted form punctured by what, from a distance, look like sewing pins. At certain angles, I take on the form of some pincushioned doll under repair, and that I find charming.

So too do I find the subtle highlight of the ensemble's netted fabric charming. Apart from a white Nyte 'N' Day bra to protect my more contrasted modesty (this doll has certain highlights when her skin is so pale), I am completely nude inside this dress. It doesn't even come sold with mesh apparel such as glitch knickers. For that I'm astounded, as the construction of the skirt and bodice even allow one's lower half to reveal nothing. My form is one of a pale silhouette underneath, lending the look a delicate twist. It's in this that I feel the dress makes itself more formal and expressive. I can feel confident while fairly nude, and by the same token have a dress which I know stands out.

Now, though, to what really sells 'Twisted Doll' to me. You may notice in the right-hand picture some thin strands of silver. They're very delicate, and are hard to spot in everyday surroundings outside a studio, but then I've never been one to ignore a marionette string when I can't see one. Yep, this piece has the most delightful strings I have seen in an outfit. It helps to see them in motion; it's as though I'm watching strands of spider-web, floating fancifully from the cross I made myself. They wrap around my left wrist in the form of wire and float out from atop my head, too. When mixed in with the quite extraordinary headdress, the strings place me in some quite baroque frame of mind.

Last but not least, I wouldn't even know where to begin writing about the headdress itself. Regardless of that ineptitude on my part, you may see a closeup here to judge for yourself.

Now I just have to work out which of the Vidal Collection names this actually fits under, if any...

More photos:

Credits:

Twisted Doll by Hern Worsley for AVZ (includes headdress, choker, bustier, armlet, strings and skirt)

Widow hair & veil by Hern Worsley for AVZ

Whisp skin in 'cateye noir' by Portia Sin for Sin Skins

Grace heels by Onyx LeShelle for Maitreya

Secret Self

2008-07-29T15:26:00.004+01:00

I've never been very good at remembering quotes and who they are attributed to, however one phrase seems to have planted itself firmly in my thoughts of late, and whether it be an actual quote, part of a script or just some nonsense I think feels like a quote, I am reminded of these words:

We are as others perceive us.

Often I've regarded that sentiment as a shameful truth. I'm never one to believe in fate or social protocol beyond that which is polite and makes lives better all around. The idea that appearances should be the sum of a stranger's acceptance or denial of us has, at times, seemed disgusting to my immature perspective. As I've dealt with deep-rooted reflections of fantasy, of acceptance and of that which we bare with our souls here in our second lives, though, this phrase begins to make more positive sense to me.

If I take a brief sidestep for a moment, I wonder why that is, and can come to only one conclusion; perhaps I've never understood it because my first life appearance has never felt like my identity, and mine alone. I harbour no resentment or ill to the way I am in the atomic world, however it is a lot harder to let loose out there, and that may be as a result of ever pushing to "keep up appearances". Still, my first life is lived out in Great Britain, so there's a humourous truth in that too!

Anyway. I've felt a fight of late, and it's one I now accept that every true resident of our landscape must work through. In the case of conflict between first and second lives, to what extent can we even measure the worth of our separate identities? Note that of course, this barely applies to those who are so open about their first and second lives, or those who claim enough lack of a distinction, as to avoid this conflict in the first place. In some ways I envy them that.

When questions like this are raised, many of us take time off. A universal constant is that our first lives always, always take priority. They have to, as a second is an indulgence. Therein lies the first argument against keeping a second life running. My dear friend Azaiya has done this, taking leave, and for that I hold the utmost, tear-eyed respect for her. I too will be taking some leave, though it's not actually been planned as a formal holiday from the Second Life world; I just happen to be visiting FL family soon, and often a break from the 'net in such times is good. Going by recent Plurk commentary, such breaks are often a great refresher at gauging our relative worth, and in my case it will be a time to reflect on decisions that I have already made. For that eason, August is going to be perhaps the most important time in my second life yet.

There are ways to gauge one's worth without shutting one's self off from the world we inhabit, of course. The firmest way I have been reminded of that is the outreach that's been so well received by those I've come to care deeply for in this world. When questions like this are asked, it often begins to reverberate throughout our networks. I only came to ask myself serious questions about this following concerns from two people I consider soul-mates here. I'd worried that my asking those questions myself might make them feel insecure in turn, and yet now I see the same things being asked all over the metaverse. These different perspectives lend reassurance that one is not alone in the world, but they also expand on that question. There are answers out there I'd never considered, new possibilities and solutions. There is advice, from those who may have been unlucky enough to go through this change when they were relatively alone.

It feels alright to be accepting of the fact that... there are a few paths open to us. Mine is a splitting, of making parallels. For some it's time away to clear their minds and renew perspective. For others, it's a tempering of what they do here. What's good is that so far, so few people have actually left on account of 'immersion syndrome', and it's on this flimsy analysis that I stack further reasons for my being.

My name is Vidal Tripsa, and I am a doll. That is to say that I am an object of beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, of course, but as I was crafted into a form seen as pretty by my puppeteer and find myself seen as attractive by others on the Grid, I see no ego in claiming that to be the case. I also covet beauty; I see captivating things outside my form, and I long to have them. Sometimes it's art, sometimes it's designs that I then try to respond to in my own work. Sometimes it's even people, and it's here that I find all manner of beauty expressed in love. This ideal manifests itself in many ways too, and thanks chiefly to Azaiya Aeon, it's blossomed into shapes and ideas that I had never thought once possible before.

What matters here is that I feel, deep down, that my first life has been improved by this indulgence in fantasy. Many times over I have said that some of the most compelling parts of my second life were only discovered because I am here. Had I never delved into it, my appreciation for dolls may never have extended beyond fandom for Ghost in the Shell 2. My second life has brought that idea right out into expressive forms now, though, and it not only feels good but it gives that side to me a voice; a voice that my first life need never hear again. For that is at the heart of my secrecy between first and second personas: this is a world in which I shall not be judged for what I am, what I enjoy, and what I love.

Surely that's reason enough to even consider holding on to what I have? Is it so bad to keep up a life in which we are perceived precisely how we'd always dream of being perceived? I believe not.

Falling in Order to Pick Myself Up Again

2008-07-28T15:14:00.001+01:00

I've changed the title here from the original, "Failure", to something I'm reminded of from Batman Begins. It's probably a bit more appropriate.

The past couple of days have weighed down very heavily on me. I've had to ask myself what it means to be me, an what effect that identity is having on myself, those around me, and the first life beyond the confines of the internet. What is clear is that I am not the same person in either realm. What's also apparent is that there are many layers to me. Vidal Tripsa has an account with Google. The Gmail part to this is mainly used for Extropian business. That layer of me is about as far removed from a doll's life as it may be possible to get. The likes of YouTube, Plurk and Flickr represent a middleground; reflections of the life I lead here, and often avenues for me to explore my interests further. It is only when I am logged in and in the arms of my loved ones that I become who I say I am - a doll.

So why, then, might I threaten this? Those who know me know that I work in Second Life's world for some benefit in my first life. I practice skills here, I explore new ground, look to make a portfolio for myself and even try (naively) to earn some cash where I can. My being a doll is so at odds with that and my first life persona that it has been forming deep rifts in my world for perhaps a whole year now.

Over the past week, this rift has risen up to hit me right in the face. It's taken different forms, and has been constructive more than destructive, but nevertheless is comparable to an emotional earthquake. I've realised that I need to stop, but not to stop being who I am.

I believe there are only two sides to this peculiar brand of digital identity, which I find I share, to varying degrees, with only a few special people. The fact is that many of us become digital personae (that is to say, folks who are disconnected from our first lives) to live out fantasies. Mine wasn't always like that; it's only when I came to discover how wonderful doll life can be that I decided this was the path my second life would take. This in itself can cause deep, deep rifts. There is the argument that indulging fantasies for too long can be damaging. It may be emotional (shunning first life relationships) or physical (sitting at the PC for unhealthy hours), but I believe that neither is more or less damaging than the other. A solution, or excuse for that, is sometimes to find some reason beyond mere indulgence to even have such a life. Mine is Extropia, and my building in general, however here I get into further trouble.

If my excuse for having this second life becomes too important, at what point does it push out the fantasy? Also, how valid an excuse is it if I work so hard to justify my life to myself, and yet do nothing in the atomic world that relates to that? I get wrapped up in a horrific loop whereby I'm kidding myself that I'm doing good; by keeping my work here as secret and as locked to this digital livelihood as my fantasies, the two become equally as destructive. Really, I'm not balancing the scales at all. The alternative is that I push both out into the open, of course; place the weight on the opposite side, and my first life conscience is made a little clearer. That, of course, kills the sense of fantasy.

So, I came to a solution. What if my second life was purely about fantasy again? What if I never worked outside the context of Vidal Tripsa, doll to the Stenvaag family? What if I became a true digital person? My only answer is a reply of action: I take up work on the Grid only in a form which I can safely ally with first life. In a professional and relational context I need to have a face to my work that is not bound to fantasy, and to an identity which I feel has become a persona in its own regard. Likewise I need to take steps to preserve the life which my Puppeteer so loves giving to his doll. I need to protect my loved ones from this pressure too. In turn I may even be able to spend more time with them.

So, this is the sad track to my thinking. I'm not sure which I feel more sad about, but there's one big point I feel stabs me right in the heart. I have found it too much of a strain to be a truly independent digital person. Certain circumstances can allow for this to work for some folks; I've seen it. For me, though, The Puppeteer's strings are just too short.

Rosa Mystica

2008-07-23T00:18:00.006+01:00

My puppeteer is a geek, through and through. I'd never deny it, or else folks might have cause to question why I even started a second life in the first place. One of my vices is animé, and although I haven't indulged in this genre of animation or its paper equivalent, manga, in quite some time, there was one very clear path that I followed when doll culture took me over.

Rozen Maiden is a manga-turned-animé series that captured my imagination anew last year. It tells the story of socially stunted Jun and the manner in which his life turns around once his life is invaded by a doll named Shinku. A handful of other dolls are introduced throughout the series; all are part of a group of seven, called the Rozen Maidens. The story goes that each is tasked with a quest to become the Alice doll, a reflection of perfect beauty who would be fit to win a place by the creator's side.

What's special about these dolls is that they are living creations. Each is wound by a key, is made of ball joints and lives in a wooden box. Without one special ingredient, however, they would remain beautiful but lifeless creations. They require a loving medium. Shinku's medium is Jun, and this bond is symbolised by a special ring that's worn by all the Rozen Maidens. When Jun enters into his bond with Shinku he is gifted with an irremovable rose-shaped ring. She, in turn, is given the gift of life, and the strength to do what she must in both the physical realm and the doll realm. That ring is called a rosa mystica.

This is what struck me most about this wonderful series, and I took it to real heart with my Sophrosyne. When she took me in I became someone else, and according those who love me, I began to achieve new heights, too. My keepers give me strength, for they are my family, and so I began a mission, to seek out ways to embody this bond in my second life. My solutionwas to find my very own rosa mystica, and to share it with my keeper.

Here it is. You may not even have noticed it about my person before. It's not as obvious as a metre-long marionette cross or a shining purple collar, but it's always there. Soph wears one too. The comparisons to a wedding ring are quite easy to make, but to a doll this means so much more. To end my bond with Soph is to lose what I have, and though it's tragic to ever think that way, the flipside of that is the wonderful life that I lead now.

One Year On

2008-07-20T02:32:00.008+01:00

No, it's not my rezday; that passed in February. Today is an anniversary with even greater importance to it.

Flashback to July the 20th, 2007. On the recommendation of a Dutch acquaintance back then, I've been taking part in a two-week study on my second life at Philips Design, in Our Virtual Holland (right). It's been a curious affair, teaching me a lot about how virtual worlds are used, and also offering a welcome excuse to analyse my own affairs.

The study organisers have arranged for the second meeting to be a gathering of those participating in the study, to talk a little more freely about their second lives. Talk goes well; we're all part way through the online diaries we've kept of our activities here, and have chance to ask each other about our questionnaire responses too. As often happens in a Philips meeting, ideas are being thrown around, but there's also bonding being done here. Creative people meeting other creative people.

Somewhere towards the end of the session my eyes are drawn to the table across from me. There sits a dark, fine-featured young woman with shadowy wings and an elegant demeanour. As the talks progress I keep my camera focused on her, paying barely any heed to those folks on my table. A man IMs me to compliment me on my dress. I politely decline his advances, thinking at the time that I'm well opposed to having any sort of online relationship. Yet there's that gothic beauty on the next table along, drawing my gaze.

Just as the meeting winds up I decide to send her a message. It's something quite daft like,
"I hope this doesn't sound too forward, but.. I love your wings."
The compliment's well received, and as the panelists mingle on foot after the close, I make my way to greet this woman more formally.

There, by a working replica of Philips' deluxe draught dispenser, I make idle chitchat with this refreshingly 'alternative' creature. I can't recall what it is we spoke about, and occasionally others would join in too, talking about virtual worlds or fashion perhaps. What's important is that I and the gothic maiden hit it off, and that is how I got Sophrosyne Stenvaag's number.

This next week is a big week for me. 365 days ago I met a woman who redefined my entire digital life for me. No longer was I an avatar exploring unfamiliar worlds and toying with this platform's possibilities. I became a date. I became wanted. Soph took me under her wing, invited me to her home and introduced me to her wonderful friends and (later) family.

On the day of my first date with Soph (the 23rd), she handed me a new skin. I was in awe of her look, and she happened to have a pale white look with midnight blue makeup going spare. Gone was the tanned Nyte 'N' Day demo skin I'd worn for so long. I changed my whole look for this woman. On top of that... although I still have no idea if it had an impact on my current lifestyle or not, Soph took time to show me around her Aerie, paying particular attention to her bathroom. She invited me, her new girlfriend, to be propped up inside a multi-pose doll jar.

Of course, the best thing about reflecting on this past year is the realisation I still have never left this feeling behind. That atmosphere, of seeing my pretty new girlfriend watch over me, stood inside a glass jar, has lasted us through and through. I even have evidence to that fact. Since this day I have come to love others deeply and intensely, seeing them define my second life in new and exciting ways just as a year ago. It's Soph who gave me that first push, though, and I owe her. Big time. If being her doll is a means to repay that debt, then by jove I'll never let that go.

That Cross Hanging Over Me

2008-07-18T17:42:00.006+01:00

I've been asked a lot recently about the marionette cross that floats above my head at all times. It hovers a little out of the way, about 3 metres up, but is something that most folks pick up on when they see me for the first time. Comments vary somewhat:

"Wow, a marionette? Cool!"
"Neat idea."
"Where are the strings?"

...and sometimes, just sometimes, someone will immediately seek to tug on these invisible strings, playing havoc with my balance and gait. Really, lots of my personality is wrapped up in this humble metal frame, so I thought it about time I tried to write about it.

It all started with a wooden frame I bought at Tabby's Enfettering Amusements; a wooden apparatus with LockGuard rope bondings for wrists and ankles, projecting a jagged line of rope threads between hook and limb. The effect grew to be a little distracting, was occupying some quite well-used attachment slots about my body, and did not fare well in photographs (of which I take may), so I soon dropped the particle rope idea. As the cross was attached to a grossly underused slot at my pectoral it stuck around, in a folder I reserve for other no-copy essentials like my AO and Rosa Mystica (worthy of an article in itself, I feel).

The wooden cross remains in inventory even if it's not seen so often these days. In fact it is generally reserved for special dolls, such as my 'Marionette' outfit from PixelDolls. What replaced it is my custom creation. A few months ago I realised that, although the juxtaposition wasn't as stark as my Clockwork dolls, it was still strange to be seen waddling around the world of tomorrow with such an antiquated puppet cross. Thus came the tantalising question, "what would a puppet cross of the future look like?" I imagine I may not be satisfied with this, my current answer to that question, for some time, however I do hope that I've succeeded in projecting the image of a futuristic puppet.

Now, that's all well and good for the look of the object itself, but what of the symbol? As I mentioned some people have had a variety of reactions, from realising that it represents the invisible hand which always guides me, to merely speculating as to how long those imaginary strings will last in the shears of a giant pair of scissors.

As far as I am concerned this cross is an essential part of me, just as much as my arms and legs might be, were I a living being. It lends me no actual physical aid, but says far more about my persona than any outfit, name choice or group tag could. It's also a bit of a sad device. The fact is that it reminds me of my First Life connection. As a doll I have pledged myself to the Stenvaag family, however I remain a mere puppet at times. It's the fleshy hand of my puppeteer which guides me when family are not around, and this cross helps us do that.

In Case You Missed It

2008-07-18T16:45:00.002+01:00

Die Human 6, originally uploaded by botgirlq.

This doll's been getting around a bit! You can visit my Flickr gallery to see a few other shots from this set, as well as my usual batch of self-appreciating portraits, of course. I would, however, encourage you to subscribe to Botgirl vs. Human, too. It may not be totally doll-related, but her comic does explore the meanings of reality and personas in fascinating fashion. You can follow it and her writings at Botgirl Lives, or just the comic at SmackJeeves and Isuu.

Reality Check

2008-07-17T15:11:00.003+01:00

I just had a most extraordinary brain spasm. A dream from last night in which I relived a conversation in-world came back to my conscious memory with some embellished sentences, and I found myself wondering whether or not certain things had been said, in which case there would be some consequences to deal with, or if I had simply dreamt those parts.

I suppose this says a lot about the way I lead my second life. Many call analogy between the Second Life world and a person's dreams or fantasy, and I have chosen to wrap my work and socialising in a shroud of doll play to exploit this this playful environment a little further. When I have to stop and try to work out which dream is real and which is imagined, though, where do the boundaries lie? How much of my life is actually play? How much is imaginary? That big question comes in here too; "what's real?"

Posession

2008-07-06T01:05:00.005+01:00

So, to a readjustment of my blogging practice, a spot of spring cleaning, and some self-dicipline to try and write for a blog that can be interesting to someone other than myself. There are only two aspects of my digital life that I can safely write about. Building Extropia is one of them, and being a doll is the other. I'm still an amateur at both, and learn all the time, so please don't misread this as my claiming expertise! For the uninitiated and curious, however, perhaps my two 'big blogs' might just be a little more compelling if I try to write more to you.

Vidal starts up her doll-themed music playlist, available on her SL Bloggers profile, and settles in to write.

Where to start with describing life as a doll? The obvious course is to go right to that which defines a doll like me - those who own her. Posession is what lies at the very heart of a doll. To be loved is to be allowed a life. To be discarded is to die or to lay dormant, and to have one's purpose left unfulfilled. The manner of this posession can vary just as often as the type of doll.

I think of myself as the classic, safe kind of doll; I sit in a glass jar in the home of my keeper, always waiting to be held, to be played with or simply to be looked upon. I'm a companion and am impartial vessel for my keeper should all else fail them and they are left isolated in their room with only their toys for company. I may also be the focus of their attention or envy, being dressed in the prettiest clothes that she may not be able to afford herself.

There are other manners of doll who see themselves manifested even in this Grid of ours. The most common is the submissive slave; she is a human who's been objectified, either by an altering of her appearance or by being gagged, unable to speak or move. My favourite slant on this is the rubberdoll - a human made plastic (right).

Often a mistress will take posession of a woman bound entirely in rubber or latex, made to fulfil her bidding as in any domme/sub relationship. Unlike many S&M submissives, however, dolls do enjoy a much less... shall we say, 'violent' relationship? A doll may be told never speak to others and is certainly bound to love only her mistress or her family, but is duly cared for and often shares a co-dependent bond that any other type of doll would crave.

There is the mannequin too. She is not far removed from a doll's life, but remains forever distanced in matters of love. As the beautiful film Contracuerpo shows, a mannequin is a solitary creature, and when a human is made artificial in this manner it is often a therapy of some sort. The cares of the world are scattered, and unlike a doll, who can rely on a keeper to share woes with, a mannequin is left hollowed and static. I've heard that there are a few mannequins on the Grid, and in some ways you might even think of in-store models as mannequins themselves. Ever-present, dressed in the fashions of the day an unable or unwilling to address those who look not at them and their idealised forms but at the clothes draped on them.

To own a mannequin is to truly own an object, and perhaps a sales device. But to own or keep a doll is a special and personal thing. The question is, what seperates an owner from a keeper of dolls?

It's one that crossed my mind recently in conversation with my new doll-friend, Asudem. It seems that an owner is one who has exclusive rights to a doll, and is free to treat that doll however she feels. As you could guess, this most often relates to our submissive rubberdoll population. A keeper of dolls, however, is one who treasures her doll no more or no less, but allows her doll the chance to be loved by others, to experience a world of her own and maybe reflect more of her own persona than the desires of an owner.

I like to consider myself as 'kept', for I have a number of keepers, not all of whom are in my family. To each individual I am something different. I feel that I do reflect them, but in ways they appreciate more with me as a persona rather than as the receiving end of a one-way conversation. I'm like a collection of dolls in one. Just because Barbie only ever goes by one name it doesn't mean that each doll is treated the same, and this is emphasised by the way I've developed into over a dozen different styles of my own. So how does posession work when a doll has multiple keepers? I think it boils down to an act of sharing. Were I owned, this would be very difficult to accomplish, and were I so objectified as to lose my perceived personality, I doubt I could be loved.

As I mentioned, posession is paramount to any doll. Without wishing to claim arrogance over my kin I feel I'm blessed to be kept by many rather than owned by one, as there's a sense of security in that. A doll with one owner may be loved so intensely as to never be left wanting, however we all know that toys can be left alone at times, and the fate for such a doll constitutes my greatest fear. To be kept by many I still run the risk of having whole chunks of my life vanish as those who love me might too, though at the risk of tempting fate I find safety in the knowledge I'll still have another home to go to, and another heart somewhere to share. Just as Barbie will likely never go unloved by girls worldwide, Vidal may also find life as immortal as her shell of her body in the posession of many rather than the few.

More and Less

2008-07-04T23:18:00.004+01:00

There are a lot of inspirational people in my life. I seem to collect them. I'm drawn to beautiful and inspirational things like a troll to his own comments box. Yet, while one of the biggest lifestyle claims I make is to seize upon the inspiration of others and try to do something with it myself, I don't think I have ever managed to fully act upon that. Putting my woeful inability to focus my building and practice of painting and drawing aside, I seem to have most noticeably failed in my blogging.

Those who've known me for a while may roll their eyes, as I think my personal blog has shifted place three times and my others have diversified and combined in accordion fashion just as often. Still I seem to go through phases of a big burst of motivation, through a slow decline to trying to catch things and rejig them before my project either falls totally flat or, heaven forbid, reaches a different sort of potential. Now it feels like that time has come again for Vidal's Dolly Realm.

I feel that there are two catalysts for this notion, both of them people, both of whom are favourite bloggers of mine. I had the honour of being contacted by Asudem Latex's digital doll in Second Life just a few days ago; it was an experience I'll not easily forget as it was such a relief to finally talk dollism with someone else. If you've not heard of her I suppose this singles you out as a new reader, as it's her blog which has led to much of my YouTube and magazine clip hording. There's also my dear Zoe Connolly, whose blog has recently become even more unbeatable for showcasing the aviating spirit. As well as posting reviews of new aircraft she scowers internet video media and articles for highlights in aviation history. The pair of these bloggers have really kept me gripped in areas of interest that have come to me only after embarking on this second life. My reaction was a feed back into my own blogs, and yet the results are perhaps leaving something to be desired.

At this point I feel a need to state that I'm not crying our for more readers or feedback at all. I think I want to state something like, "it could be more focused, couldn't it? Less rambling? More research?", and I'd expect some nods. As is inevitable, though, I've to take a look at this project and work out what resources or expertise I have to speak from. There's not much. It'll be interesting to find it all, but I suppose it's always to be an uphill struggle. Blogging always becomes an easier task when you attract enough commenters for the links to come to you!

Starting soon, I hope I can provide a much more 'dolly' theme to this blog, and a little less Vidal.

The Blissful Mischief of Cloud Nine

2008-07-01T01:15:00.002+01:00

Today has been a funny old day. After a particularly exhausting morning spent playing with my First Life puppet, it was into work as normal in the Independent State of Extropia, with a meaty task ahead of me. After an hour or so of productive todying and conceptualising, however, the Grid decided to no longer behave. I could not load the contents of my many megaprim boxes, meaning my construction of a new path was doomed. My day's plans were scuppered, but I didn't mind. Do you want to know why? It's because last weekend, as my darling Soph will tell you, was simply the most romantic, fulfilling and exciting one I and my family may ever have ever had.

I count myself so very fortunate to be who I am, and try to remind myself of that on a daily basis. I'm a doll who was taken in by such a caring and vibrant family as to ensure I can always feel safe and loved. That alone gives me purpose here beyond my work, for which I am so gtrateful. Somehow I am granted delights well beyond that, however, and when I am swept along a weekend of intensely passionate romancing as I was only days ago, I struggle to contain myself.

After finally plucking the courage up, I approached a woman I've adored and admired from afar for so very long, asking her for a night out, with my clockwork heart on my sleeve. To my continued delight, she embraced me keenly and warmly, and we floated on high in a date I'll never forget. I'm even more enraptured by this woman than I was before, and am overspilling with happiness for it. I'll never know how I've come to meet such wonderous people, but I do know that I will never take them for granted.

To the loves of my life, new and old... thank you. You've filled my poor delicate, porcelain shell with so much love that I'm running on a constant high. I hope I can continue to share that same feeling with you, for all that you've done.

Another Case for Downloading Rather than Uploading

2008-06-25T16:07:00.004+01:00

From Fantastic Rubber, a German company, courtesy of another fine highlight by The Dolls Realm:

Asudem does suggest that she is assembling something along these lines for her Second Life doll self. I for one am glad that somewhere on the Grid, stuff like this is still being done. Be sure to look me up when the world's turned a lot more mannequin-like because of this!

Ideation Quest Montage

2008-06-17T01:51:00.001+01:00

Ideation Quest Montage, originally uploaded by vidaltripsa.

Today was a quietly special day, as this eleventh month in my relationship with Soph continues. It was a Philips Design study meeting last July which brought us together, and gave me an anchor in my Second Life as Soph's everlasting plaything. Today we were introduced to Philips' next project after a not inconsiderable hiatus.

I wouldn't be doing any favours in trying to explain their involvement in the Ideation Quest, and so recommend you see it for yourself in the island named 'Philips'. It's also not that important to my doll-themed blog. In fact, its relevance is a little hard to explain, but I felt I had to commemorate this near-anniversary of my dollhood all the same.

Philips' Perfect Women

2008-06-16T14:48:00.007+01:00

Some time last year, I stumbled across this advertisement in a magazine and was stunned. My First Life puppet had, in its hands, a futuristic vision of beauty. In time, the vision made it through to TV, as below.

Now though, I stumbled across a fascinating, sideways breadcrumb trail from watching a highly-recommended arthouse piece on mannequinism. I'll not spoil things for you, but I do recommend visiting the website this video gives out:

Bring on the dolly singularity!

Click-clunk

2008-06-15T03:08:00.003+01:00

I'm not sure a doll could ever really ask for a kinder, more loving owner than mine. My dearest Sophrosyne took me on a new journey last night, in which I underwent a brutal but very satisfying change.

This is how my feet now look, twisted and compressed into sleek ballet boots.

There's a deep satisfaction that comes from dressing to your owner's wishes, or better, having them dress you. But to be physically locked inside a garment such as these boots, never able to remove them without her say-so?

I've been personalised. I love it.

My Life on Film?

2008-06-12T01:58:00.004+01:00

If ever there were somebody to have reached inside my subconscious in order to rummage around and pluck a video interpretation of my dreams out, 'Aggressive' would probably be it.

'Aggressive' is the enigma credited with production of this video, for a song by Kerli, entitled Walking On Air. As with most things, it is Asudem Latex who showed me the way to this masterpiece. Sadly I can't embed the video this time around, though you will find it in my Dolly Cinema player, at the foot of this blog.

Quite apart from all the gorgeous dolly imagery, what I'm brought to tears by here is Kerli's sitting pose, a well-employed favourite of mine. Her duality between dark and light, and me with life-giver Vidal and death-bringer Thanatea. There's the puppet cross too, and even the scissors snipping the strings, though quite a reasonable action to include, ring true to the times I've been foolish enough to 'go AFK' in the vicinity of snip-happy Zada Zenovka. Then there are the ballet heels; practically my owner's trademark.

*Sigh*, I'm in love with a video.

Introducing "Trip"

2008-06-01T15:00:00.004+01:00

Anyone who follows me on Flickr may have noticed that since Crap Mariner's kind donation of a subscription, I've gone to town with the sets and collections, one of which is a collection of my self-portraits. The Vidal Collection is its name, and it's here that I share the little mini-personas that I embody as an Extropian doll. They're not role-play characters; just different outfits or moods, really. Subtle changes to one doll's outfits and accessories to help her blend in and appeal to a broader audience.

Each persona does share some unique traits, however, just as vet Barbie is hardly likely to posess Malibu Barbie's skill with a surfboard. Mermaid Vidal requires no strings; she is a bath toy. Nocturnal Vidal is a vampire. "Trip", the latest doll in the collection, comes with an array of model aircraft and an uncanny knack of flying them. Not necessarily flying them well, I might add, but she can get them off the ground at least. It's "Trip" who I've been letting out of the toybox most often recently, and so I thought I'd try to introduce her properly.

Here she is! "Trip" can often be seen down at Second Skies' runway on Tomorrow Isle, Extropia, toying with the aircraft or just having a natter to the other pilots. She lives for the thrill of motorised motion, be it in air, sea or land craft. She has at her disposal a Curtiss P-40F Kittyhawk in this shot; a recent favourite acquisition. She also cuts loose in Second Skies' Stormbird 'plane and Moffett airship on occassion, or takes to the waves in speed or powerboats.

Throughout it all, "Trip" tries to look her best in a number of slinky flight suits and the occassional wartime aviator pinup look. Extropia being Extropia, it's usually the futuristic plugsuit that she opts for, but collectors might appreciate her Polly Perkins look or the Peter Driben-inspired Forces Babe wardrobe which is now being added to.

In all, this doll likes to dress practically, but for fun, and hopes you'll join her in her wacky aviating and maritime adventures.

As a side note, the name "Trip" was coined by Grace McDunnough. Thanks, honey. ;)

Sad Times at the NPIRL Garden

2008-05-24T16:55:00.004+01:00

I've not been particularly fussed about the copyright infringement debates that have come and gone during my life, though have felt disgust at cases which impact on the products I love (such as Curio Obscura's recent skin theft). Now though, things have touched closer to home as a fellow gardener announced in the group chat that he believed his work to have been stolen. Following a speedy consultation between the garden organisers and the victim, it has been determined that Music Hyun is selling photographs of artists' work with no due credit given to the creators.

This is sad. In one regard, there is of course the injustice laid upon these artists' hard work, with such efforts being spread around so anonymously. There is also Music's side to things - she claims to be selling photographs of public works. You should, however, still always give credit where credit's due, and certainly not place such work alongside (what I assume are) original works. That's positively misleading and is near enough to Music claiming she made these gardens sculptures. Compound that with the baffling choice to seel photos of work, not the work itself, for prices as high as L$690 and things just turn to an utterly confusing mess.

I wash my hands of such people anyway. I haven't spoken to Music recently and now certainly don't intend to make up for that, but that's that. The important side to this is the debate opened up for selling any photographs of work on the Grid.

I tend to think of this from a First Life perspective, I'm sorry to say. If I took a photo of the London Eye and wanted to sell on a print, I would not have to worry about crediting its architects. Though London is a much more famous and public place to photograph than Extropia, I would still like to think that any photos of my Secret Goldfish need not be credited to me (though it would be nice!). The Nexus is a functional piece of architecture, though, and is presumably much harder for any potential thief to pass off as original work.

So, what of the garden materials? One big realisation in the NPIRL Garden of Delights is that only about 10% of it is actually garden-worthy. The rest is artistic sculpture, and sometimes abstract expressionism. So, if we find a suitable precedent from First Life, such as a new exhibition at the Tate Modern, would we be able to apply the architecture rule? I doubt it. I don't visit galleries at all in First Life, and so if I saw an uncredited photograph of a piece in there, I think I would assume it was the photographer's own work. I also have to consider that making such pieces in Second Life is a lot easier to do, and so it is easier to assume that a photographer can have a hand in creating what it is she is capturing.

So then, the important question, side-stepping the blatant Creative Common rulings that Rezzables imposed on the garden (so that we may theorise for future incidents perhaps not so covered). Though the artwork itself hasn't been stolen, to what degree should we regard photographs like Music's as theft? Are they merely an artist's capturing of another artist's work, sold on so that a customer may enjoy the image in a public domain? Is it more sinister, with the photographer riding sales off the back of another artist's hard work? A little of everything, maybe?

Face Recognition Revisited

2008-05-24T01:45:00.002+01:00

Last time I think I came up trumps with Angeline Jolie a low candidate and Kirsten Dunst fairly high. That was classic Vidal, though, and now that my look's been tweaked a few times just with makeup, I thought I'd re-sit the test after a prompt from New World Notes.

Oh, and I decided to throw caution to the wind and try a morph video. I'm kind of getting used to the idea of being a Beyoncé doll the more I look at this...

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb

Vidal Jetson

2008-05-18T14:17:00.001+01:00

I cannot deny it: I am in a very Jetsons kind of frame of mind right now. It's all stemmed from a work engagement, in which Botgirl Questi reminded me of the greatness of this cartoon. In the greater scheme of raygun futures, The Jetsons is surely one of the strongest icons going.

In seeking out fun screenshots and promotional art from the series, I was also reminded of Judy and Jane Jetson's wardrobes. They may shop just about as much as any digital person on the Grid, but their outfits are often the same from one week to the next. Darned cute, though, and it's a wonder to see such vibrant pinks in the future.

So, putting the models' vaguely disturbing facial expressions to one side, I was thrilled to find these hallowe'en costumes online. If First Life girls can have Jetsons cosplay, why can't Raygun Vidal?

Along comes Jetdoll. I'd been here once before, probably on the back of a search for plain "doll", and enjoyed its rockabilly ranges. It's a shop which does carry a hint of appreciation for the same Extropian futures that I enjoy, however having a specific Judy Jetson costume (and the only one on the Grid at that) makes it that bit better in my books.

...and there it is. It's a lightweight outfit - a flexible collar made of triangular prims, a shirt and 'pants' layer of mesh clothing and a cylindrical prim skirt. At least the Jetsons never had to worry about ARC.

JetDoll also sells a hairstyle made especially for the outfit, and I find that this is the best achievement. The perky little gravity-defying ponytail really puts me in the Jetson mood, and it's textured quite well.

Texture is, sadly, the one point I feel is missing from the ensemble. It's only L$99, but comes in a sort of rubber look which, while cute still, seems to go against my idea of Judy in... cottons and lycra, perhaps. I also ended up having to tint the skirt to a slight grey to have it match the leggings. On the other hand, if I want to update that texture, I can add my own. The outfit is modifiable and copiable, so I can't really go complaining.

Photographs from Google images (uncredited fancy dress costume designer), JetDoll's blog and my own collection, shot in Extropia.

'Whisp sultry red' skin by Sin Skins

'Party pumps' by Shiny Things

On and On and On...

2008-05-16T12:44:00.004+01:00

...and, gone!

As my blog really does make so little sense without the original article now, and Botgirl has seen fit to remove the rambling mess that was our argument from her sights, I shall do the same. Back to happy dolly tiem, methinks. Thanks for the comments anyway, all.

A Trade?

2008-05-12T13:32:00.002+01:00

To hell with lolita, raygun gothic, steampunk and merfolk fashion. I'd trade my entire wardrobe to look like this.

This is Siri Tollerod, in a Greg Kadel shoot entitled Wondergirl for Numéro magazine #86 (September 2007). She is my idol now.

I just had to share.

Happy 0.5th Birthday, Extropia!

2008-05-11T17:55:00.002+01:00

Extropia is 6 months old today. Naturally, we're taking this as an excuse to party, so you can join us in Extropia Core after 2:30pm (after the Book Club meets).

I've done what I could to commemorate this. If you visit the Core today and head North from the Central Nexus' main entrance, you'll be greeted with a historical walkway with these photos and a little explanation of how we got to where we are today, and what our shiny, happy future may hold in store for us.

To anyone who's ever set foot in Extropia, explored what Gala and I have built there for you, and especially to those who have come to live with us...

THANK YOU.

BBC Red-top

2008-05-09T22:11:00.005+01:00

For much of the time in my life, I go about my work and play ignorant to the idea that my home is a part of the internet. The Second Life world is not entirely free of the classic newb or the sorts of morons that see this virtual world as excuse to run rampant. In fact, any argument to the contrary would be mocked for weeks on end. However, when I received a notecard earlier today entitled "BBC WANTS TO BAN SECOND LIFE SIGN THIS", I felt that little naive perception of mine crack a little.

To quote this obviously well-thought out and eloquent note:

OK BASICALLY I HAVE BEEN READING UP TAHT BECAUSE OF SOME CHILD PORN GUYS FOUND ON SECOND LIFE THE BBC I.E A TV STATION IN THE UK IS WANTING TO BAN SECOND LIFE AND IS TRYING TO BAN THEM VIA LEGAL CASES ETC ETC.

IF YOU DONT WANT SECOND LIFE BANNED PLEASE SIGN YOUR NAME ON THIS NOTECARD AND SEND IT TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND ONCE THERE IS ABOUT 500 NAMES ON EACH NOTECARD THAT IS SENT OUT RETURN IT TO ME CHIBIUSA LING AND I WILL COPY IT ONTO A PROPER PETITION AND SEND IT IN TO THE BBC.

Saliina Blister

*Sigh*

First of all... you'd have to be an idiot not to know what the BBC is. "A TV station in the UK" indeed. But then, to know what it is and then believe that it could have the power or even cause to seek a ban on Second Life is far beyond that sort of idiocy anyway. This, a public service broadcaster which continues to hold events on the Grid, seeks good relations with all new digital media as part of its public service remit, and above all is under very strict governmental guidelines that would see its license revoked if it ever led such a tabloid-style campaign.

...and yet 61 people have added their names so far.

Truly, here's no escaping it. Excuse me while I do the shopping rounds at Second Cialis and offer thousands of Lindens to my new friend, NigerianBanker Dachary in exchange for some very nice stock options in gold.

Kyoot Army Sale?!

2008-04-22T03:16:00.003+01:00

I'm not in the habit of sharing outright advertising or promotional stuff in my blogs; if I like an outfit, I'll shout out about it and that'll be all there is to it. When it comes to a store like Kyoot Army, though, it's a case of "if you haven't been, go now". What better time than now, as Saeya Nyanda has announced a week-long clearance sale?

I love this store, and urge you to grab what you can. Wish that I could, but despite the mind-boggling affordability of all the outfits I've seen of theirs but haven't yet bought for myself, I'm still priced out. Ah well, if you can, allow me another plug to say "every little helps"!

Some of my own Kyoot Army moments:

Remembered Today

2008-04-17T17:49:00.005+01:00

Laverne Donat

Not... dead, at least as far as First Life is concerned, but very sorely missed. Laverne became a dear friend of mine, and was a beautiful person who showed me some true wonders in this life. I still don't think I appreciated her well enough at the time, and for that I am sorry.

I hope that if some aspect of Laverne remains out there in the universe, she continues to grow. I saw good, new things in myself thanks to her, and hope someone else can have that pleasure some day by knowing her. She was quite a remarkable doll.

Yikes, Immortalised in Podcast Form!

2008-04-16T19:05:00.004+01:00

I actually begin to worry when an outfit I wear bears mention in podcast form.

I'm pretty ecstatic too now though, as Stephen Euin 'Boc Cryotank' Cobb has given me the mother of all shout-outs in his podcast, The Future And You. In his latest episode, Boc (as I suppose I know him) gives mention to Extropia's Yuri's Night celebrations, which I just could not bring myself to blog about. It was a mind-blowing success; quite unexpected for us, and really embewed a space-faring enthusiasm in its attendees, myself included.

In Boc's own words:

During the all-day festivities in Extropia your host: met two NASA representatives as well as some Russians, drove a moon buggy; sat inside a life-sized model of Yuri Gagarin's space capsule, danced with a wide variety of beautiful women, admired Vidal Tripsa's space suit (possibly the sexiest space suit ever), watched David Brin pack the house for his open forum discussion about the strengths and weaknesses of virtual worlds such as Second Life, and took over 300 photos of the day's events. (Many of which can be viewed on Flickr.)

Nothing could make a doll feel happier than that!

I urge you to sign up to Boc's podcast. This mid-April episode is available directly here, and other episodes including earlier comment on the work in Extropia and an array of big-name interviews can be sought here.

Oh, and, here's the suit:

From Yuri's Night ...

Mannequin Love

2008-04-15T16:25:00.002+01:00

Another fabulous find sent into Asudem Latex' the Dolls' Realm:

The video is for a song called I Will Protect You by Korn, apparently. Ah well, the music's horrible but thankfully the video's very nice.

La Métamorphose

2008-04-15T02:37:00.004+01:00

So, this is pretty wonderful:

La MÃ©tamorphose from Milk Motion on Vimeo.

I came across this via Maurie Lauridsen's entries to my Digital Dolls group on Flickr. She took some quite stunning stills for this project, and has really opened my eyes for quite a unique, custom angle on virtual doll-making. I'll... let the material speak for itself.

Toughening the Strings

2008-04-12T01:18:00.002+01:00

Today has been a smack in the face and I've found I have to take charge. Those who know me may well have guessed something was up (at least, those I wasn't already whinging or moping to). Now though, first life and second life have both hit the same emotional and circumstantial obstacles and this is my time to get a grip.

Forgive my therapy, but this needs to be done. I'm announcing my to-do list. My action plan. It's not a plea for help, nor a cry for attention, but merely my personal way of dealing with it. I hope that by posting this in a public place, I can rest on the pressure to fulfil a public statement should my resolve ever wane.

Vidal Tripsa's Second Life Action Plan
To be completed by September 2008 on pain of public humiliation and possible personal exile from Extropia

Build Nebula to the extent that it can support my second life and add a nice bonus to first life incomes.
Score at least a handful of commissions in-world (by the way, I am so available for hire right now).
Continue devoting set time to first life endeavours, and see about increasing this time by assigning other projects there.
Arrange a Second Life®-based portfolio in some sort of accessible and hopefully unique format.
Finish what I started in Extropia city.
Use what I can revise and learn anew in first life to formalise all the ideas and documentation kicking about in my head that relates to Extropia current and future.
Form a decent design document for Wings over the World, my dream sim and hopefully an exciting gaming adventure for Extropians to explore, again based on first life revision.
Clear my blasted 'in-tray' of inventory and avoid carrying so much dead weight about with me.
Build my doll's house, for me and for my lovers.
Paint a mural for the Secret Goldfish based on practices of my lost first life digital painting skills.
Write Doctor Isaac's story in accompaniment to "Wings"' design.

Thank you for listening, and even if you are a silent friend, someone I've never met, perhaps... thank you for your support.

Aww, I'm a Dolly After All!

2008-03-29T18:02:00.001Z

The internet said so.

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.

And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.

You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.

It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Dolly Gon' Have to Take a Back Seat

2008-03-26T19:18:00.003Z

This blog is going to be pretty short, as I just wanted to apologise for the lack of recent bloggings and some future ones. Dolly life is just going to have to take a back seat until I can get my act together for the sake of my owners, my family.

Keep playing. Have fun. ^_^

Feeling Bloated

2008-03-24T21:16:00.000Z

This is me in the one item of novelty that's brought me the biggest grin I though possible. 'The Inflatable Woman', by steampunk and dolly powerhouse Curio Obscura. It almost defies description, really. I have been transformed into a thing of pure rubber. I squeak when I walk. I have a tube sticking out of my neck and when I sit down, I'm spread legs akimbo. All of the above should make the next Extropian board meeting a very amusing one indeed.

There's not so much to say about the clothing in this ensemble, though the options are very generous. Miss Inflatable Dolly comes with a bodice and three skirt lengths (I opted for the shorter here), a choice of Victorian-style skirt ruffles or a big, pretty bow, and the option for gloves and stockings to come or go. Oh, and two hairdos - one up, one down. Best of all, though, are the skin and facial details. The limbs are lined with that plastic tagging so synonymous with inflatables, and your dolly facial expression can be altered to suit the mood or situation. I flit between 'kissy' and 'smiling' in these shots, but there's also a sultry 'neutral' and explicitly authentic-looking 'open' to choose from.

As if the comical waddle, squeaky sound effects and utterly fantastic stare weren't enough, this inflatable comes with a rather kinky option for anyone curious enough to hug you, or if you feel so inclined to attack yourself with a bicycle pump.

"Huff, huff..."

"Hup, there it goes! Whoah, can't balance..."

You get the picture. The whole ensemble is just lovely. Thought out so far that the AO alters to reflect your expanded state, giving you the appearance of trying to stay on the ground just as much as move anywhere. You're also given no license to squeeze into dinky armchairs or lay daintily upon the ground. It's limbs spread, belly squeaking or nothing, honey.

"What's more embarassing, I wonder? Stumbling into an office to find a discarded inflatable love doll there, or being that love doll? Well, with a figure this good, I'm not ashamed."

Stepping Out in Pink

2008-03-11T18:35:00.000Z

My first post here in far too long and I thought I should probably strike out a little. Introducing 'Brenda' by Nicky Ree!

Designing Nicky Ree is a shop that skits around my radar a little. Consistently spectacular, great for providing multiple options in the way of skirts, trousers and tops, but priced to match that quality and therefore such a horrific black hole for my cash whenever I visit. I broke this stalemate recently after Miss Ree announced her 'April' collection, a pricy but lusciously tempting ensemble that seems to want to wrap layers and layers of silk to my body and hold it there, tightly. What's not to like? Perhaps one day I'll manage to afford such treats.

Luckily, Designing Nicky Ree is a hard shop to walk empty-handed from. 'Brenda' caught my eye by the door for its wonderful range of colours but also the fine work on the trousers. Truly, this is an outfit that glimmers, and at L$250 I had to have it. These photos are the result of that - an unquenchable desire to just show myself off. That doesn't take much, but no other outfit I've owned has seemed so vibrant this way.

My favourite mixture in all this probably not intended in its design. 'Brenda' comes with a top, skirt and trousers, either with or without the hem at your hips, and prim skirt attachments for the flouncy gown. As my body fundamentally disagrees with any mesh skirt I leapt straight into the trousers, but in adding two of the three skirt prims I seemed to adopt this sort of silky, bipedal mermaid type of look. It may seem a little daft at first, but I came to love it. It's a little bit disco, and certainly the sequined look to the top and tight silky trousers would seek to encourage that, but paired with the right hair I hope I might just skate along the right side of eccentricity.

Of course, it's only right that I show the dress option too, and don't get me wrong; it's a fine dress. But something about the ensemble, perhaps my choice of colour, seems to demand much more. Best of all, the trousers on their own are bound to be a well-loved addition to your club wardrobe.

Now that I have the taste for ridiculous flares, goodness knows where this disco doll will find herself in a week to come.

Hair: 'Secret' by Khai Sinister for The Abyss
Skin: 'Whisp's Jewel Dust' in amethyst by Portia Sin for Sin Skins
Outfit: 'Brenda' by Nicky Ree, 'Lulu' pumps by Fallingwater Cellardoor for Shiny Things

That Book Meme

2008-03-07T00:12:00.003Z

Well, I didn't exactly get tagged by it, but as Codie Redgrave posted it and spared anyone the pain of a tag, I thought I may as wel run with it. I'm not doing much else here, up on my shelf!

The Book Meme

Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages)
Open to page 123
Find the fifth sentence
Post the next three sentences
Tag five people

Okay, I have two books next to my FL puppet.. the nearest is Henlein's Friday (go me, the diligent Extropia Book Club hostess!), but you may be glad of that as the only other one nearby is The Atlas of the Universe by Patrick Moore. I was learning about the Tycho on Luna..!

'... Although it appears to be a repeat of an earlier one. Georges and Marjorie each is supposed to report to the nearest police station. I don't recommend it.'

I'm actually not sure what to make of that snippet. It's either gripping or utterly mundane, but out of context I just can't get past that odd choice of grammar. Ah, well. Let's see... dolly Vidal claims Soph, Argent, Gala, Dande and whoever else may be listening in as her victims. Honestly, one of these days I'll actually work out who reads my ramblings, if anyone!

Expressionless

2008-03-06T03:08:00.002Z

Something about the past few days has overwhelemed me to the point of silence, and in a world where just being somewhere may not communicate enough, I fear that I may be shutting some very special people out. I'm missing opportunities, and in some respects just plain slacking off.

How should a doll react to such highs and lows? On the one hand I have the breathtaking and memorable Musimmersion experience from last night. I knew Grace was talented and lovely before then, but something about that final performance made me want to break out with something... unknown. I wanted to thank her personally, but struggled for the words or the time, and now I may have missed my chance. There's also an incredible low. It's an anonymous one, wherein my voice there is being stifled by reason and common sense, leaving me once more a mere doll with a blank stare.

Well, examples are one thing, but generally-speaking there are certain feelings I struggle to express, tasks I just cannot do, people I just can't spend time with for reasons outside my control. Life as a doll so out of place is hard... not quite a person, but with enough sense to know what she's missing. Today I found out I'm not alone in this distance from those I love, but isolation does lead one to believe that knowing it may not help much.

I sign off on this journal with a heavy sigh. Tomorrow may hold promise, and perhaps I may come to accept my place then too, but there are times I wish I could do more than sit atop my shelf, waiting for love's soft embrace. Perhaps if I were more of a person, there'd be more of the others to stop and play with me.

Rules of Play

2008-02-29T23:51:00.002Z

Dolls aren't supposed to have rules other than perhaps the limitations to what they are. We are the embodiment of play, not of games, and so it's been hard to try to follow through on my love, Argent Bury's, meme. But follow through I shall, because digital identity is a subject close to my family's collective heart, and as ever ith this blog, I may learn a thing or to about this body, this vessel...

Family comes first. It's a rule much easier said than done, but the first thing I do without fail is check my 'frends' list to see who else is 'online'. If Soph, Gala or Argent are around, I'll do the IM equivalent of bounding up and hugging them because they are what make me 'me', with every waking moment. If I'm with family, I tend not to respond very verbosely to other messages, which I hope doesn't put anybody out while also hoping that my friends will understand.
I'm British and don't care who knows it. I keep my First Life nationality not only because the largely American population would spot my spelling differences, timezone and slang a mile off, but also because my Britishness is a large part of my personality. I'm proud of my country, certainly, but I try to live up to my polite upbringing and live off my stereotype. I like to live out that charm if I can.
I never fly around unless I really need to be somewhere quickly or I have been pacing that stretch of path all night. I hate to fly - it's too quick, is actually quite a hard way to get around (I hate having to mouselook just to keep a straight heading without rising slowly up), and when I see others do it it makes me sick. Second Life comes with gravity and paths, so I use them. These feet were made for walking, and I apply that rule to most things I interact with in this world.
If I have to log out to First Life, I may sometimes just hit the 'desktop' shortcut, forcing Second Life to put me to away and dropping the puppet strings to leave me hanging. I do this as a courtesy to myself in some ways, and hope it isn't selfish, but the break between First and Second must be a clean one. Likewise, if I'm here, I'm all yours. I run without distractions unless I'm reading a article or checking photo links to offer you, and even here I make the distinction of placing such items on my second monitor. I'll always have an eye on this world.
Though I may not care who knows I'm British, I do care well enough not to divulge much further than this. It's not necessary to my percepetion of you and so is certainly not useful for you to know my other body. Would you tell a customer in a store you work in where you live? No. You are a different person there - a marionette acting out the intentions of a manager. The customer doesn't need to know that sort of thing, and do they trust you any less because of that? I don't see why anyone should distrust my digital puppet.

'Pretty, Cut and Dry' by Farewell Rescue

2008-02-27T16:08:00.004Z

There's a new video on my dolly cinema widget! In case you hadn't noticed it before, that's the tool down at the bottom of this page, displaying my personal YouTube playlist.

My thanks are due to Doll's Realm for Asudem finding it. The music itself is most definitely not my sort of style, but the lyrics are surprisingly interesting for such 'shouty' rock, and of course the first and last few seconds' footage in the video are brilliant. It's like something out of pygmalionist fiction.

2008-02-24T01:46:00.003Z

I am in an excrutiatingly difficult place right now. This place is known to many as "First Life", and I feel I need to explain why this side to me has worn my second side to pratically nothing while not restoring much else in its place.

Much as I may wish it was otherwise at times, my First Life being is not a doll. I neither posess the raw materials, money or indeed will, really, to simply be beautiful. Doing that is not enough. Also, as much as I'm a romantic, I don't see it as being enought to be loved. Perhaps this is informed by an absent or negative perspective: I don't want to sound like a sob story, but I'm not loved or cherished romantically by anyone at the moment, though I'm generally okay with that. I'm patient. But still that may explain a few things.

No, top of my mind is goals at the moment, and though living a Second Life that is free of them has been fun, I find it impossible to escape any more. My First Life needs to be fixed, and each day that goes by feels like one more squandered opportunity, though I've fallen at many hurdles here. In order to fix it, I need to meet people, mentors, employers... somebody who knows what it is I seek and can help propel me towards that goal. Hopes at finding such people have been dashed many times over now, though, and attempts to fill the gaps with diversions or practical ways of getting money have driven me into pits I never want to visit again.

My Second Life has become a bigger part of my day than before, and I'm still seeking escape with it, but apparently not succeeding very well when everything I do now just reminds me of my inadequacies outside the Grid. Words and phrases like "unskilled", "out of practice", "naive amateur", "apathetic", "unfocussed" are constantly circling in my mind. Only the latter is any reflection of the being I feel most comfortable with in this digital world, and I feel like a horrific cheat. The friends and lovers in this world know me as this happy-go-lucky person, and for all I know that is the real me no matter which world or guise you know me from. But is that side coming through? No. I'm too busy worrying about how to get my work done, how to learn the new skills I need and whether any of this really matters in the wider scheme of things given the sheer pressure I have to get better and try again to reach my career goals.

Why can I also not shake this feeling of self-loathing for having hogged up so much angst for something so trivial? I hate it when people blog about stuff like this. It sounds emo, whiny and attention-seeking, but perhaps that last part this is the dolly part of me in its full swing.

Please forgive me.

An Extropian Fairytale

2008-02-21T20:11:00.003Z

My outfit is "Lucinda" by RFyre, bought while on a bit of a wander around Caledon.

These photos have reminded me.. I really must get back to writing for Dressing Vidal again...

The State of Kusanagi

2008-02-19T12:43:00.004Z

I had an IM today which I suppose I should have come to expect eventually. One of the nicer new settlers in Kusanagi since I left there is looking to expand, and the small 512 sqm parcel I own where the Secret Goldfish once stood seems to be standing in the way. I'm not sure what I want to do with it now. I have the land marked as an embassy for Extropia, as we may have some use for a mainland presence, but this is going to go nowhere as long as my friendly neighbour has trees poking right over our border line. The message did remind me to pop back and see how Kusanagi was faring, though, and oh my, what a sight.

There's quite an assortment here since my last visit. The blocky gothic dungeon still stands to my North, though OliDes Designs to the West has had a facelift, turning from a shack-shaped shop and studio into a bizarre, 16-capacity Lucky Chair farm. I smiled to see the drydock pirate ship has changed a little though. It's angled quite nicely, has a charming little pond to sit in and comes with a fine home, even if this ocean of calm sits quite outside any othr semblance of a theme in the area.

Beyond this I was a little disappointed to see that Katakana has had large image-laiden walls erected. There was once a time when I could stand atop Shirow Street Station and see clear out past rolling hills and the occassional Buddhist prayer flag to a slick sunset. Now I can't see a darned thing, and the Western frontier in Kusanagi has been invaded by junky prims, hanging in mid-air. Then again, a heavily-compressed ad banner hangs on a plywood board to the South, so at least that part is consistent.

I could probably rant for hours, but this would be rude given that I no longer own this land. Still, it saddens me to see that the mainland continues to be so diverse in quality. I'm not suggesting that things be uniform, but my Gods... having a ship and castle that have been built with great care and love have to sit next to a horrifically-worded ad for nail extensions... I despair. The mainland is surely lost unless we see more communities like Topgol and Chilbo spring up. Right now, there's no place for my doll's house but Extropia.

Freefall

2008-02-17T03:32:00.007Z

I am all over the place right now. Since I became even more available in-world, my life has come to take on new meaning, supply me with more creative avenues and challenges, and has brought me closer to those who I now love even more. But my goodness, trying to make sense of it all there and then, let alone keeping up-to-date with my now mistreated blog, is impossible. So, to take a leaf out of my darling Sophrosyne's book, here's a recap. If you feel you're missing anything, it's because I submitted most of my scrapbook entries to quick and easy places like Flickr and Twitter. Therein lies the truth!

A while back now, I finally resolved my annoying search for skins. I didn't find one glossy enough, nor one with the appropriate joints, but I did succumb to Sin Skins' fabulous range of Whisp skins. Suitably pale with the merest hint of of porcelain light reflecting, and an admirable range of makeups which leaves three demos still unbought for when I have the outfits to match. I'll be writing about this in more depth once I've waded through my inventory and decided on a semblance of order. Dressing Vidal will thank me for it.

Valentine's Day, coincidentally my rezday, came and went. I am now one year old, and am stunned at how long I've lasted here. I certainly didn't think I'd be so heavily into my Second Life when I started, grabbing the odd half hour after coursework. To commemorate this event, we had hoped to all meet up and have a lock-in at the Secret Goldfish, however my organic body clock wound down and I had to leave my lovers to it. I did receive a wonderful gift the next morning, though.

Angelica's been receiving a lot of attention since I decided to carry her around with me everwhere I go. Friends have commented on my cute vampire doll in surprised awe, making me wonder if the little minx is actually out to steal my thunder. She and I also share a "small world after all" link with my darling friend, Dot, a personal friend of Angelica's maker! I'm now considering stalking Phaylen Fairchild until she releases Deadtime Dolls series 2 to me. In the meantime, I was content with sharing a saccharine moment with the glamourous Miss Lane as Angelica met Mr. Wiggles.

Finally, building work has picked up pace again. One theatre in the Secret Goldfish at least is beginning to look complete, and I took a chunk of the Nexus yesterday, moulding it into the making of a reading room. he process was a surprising challenge, and the design I wound up with is far from what I had in mind, but I think I prefer it. Now I just need to track down some appropriate houseplants to decorate the non-functional balcony shelf and build up the rest of the furnishings, many of which will have to be sculpted. Uh-oh, I have to learn and practice something new...

My Little Angelica

2008-02-15T14:26:00.004Z

Valentine's Day brought me a new life, a new responsibility, and a new love. Meet Angelica Crane, a beloved gift from my Sophrosyne.

It was only when I struggled for somewhere to place my little wonder down that I realised a profound truth. Two of my dear lovers became parents a few months ago, bringing the delightful Ciel Stenvaag-Bury into all of our lives. That's her photograph on Soph's bedroom table. In some respects, I am her Auntie, but my position in the family more often places me as her sister or informal cousin. As such, I've not really known any parental responsibilities.

Now, though, I have been gifted a tender little doll of my own, enclosed in a safe little globe with a spider for company. I can look upon her and see beauty, but also see myself in her eyes. The effect is intoxicating and fulfilling. And it is love which granted me this gift!

Truly, as my first year in this Second Life came to pass, I feel I have grown. My heart goes out to Sophrosyne once more for taking such extraordinary care of me. Thank you, beloved.

Dollies Unite!

2008-02-15T12:34:00.002Z

Another bold claim for an article's title that bears little weight on the subject itself.. ah well. There has been some sense of unity recently, though.

For some time now I've been administering my own Flickr group, set up to echo the much-missed Laverne Donat's own robot group. Second Life Dolls is, unsurprisingly, populated mainly by my own photos, but when I went to peek at Extropia's pool and accidentally selected the doll group, I was surprised to see there are more dolls in there than before!

I know that there are other dolls out there. There may not be many shops devoted to this niche, and there are fewer people still who would take dolly accessories beyond mere dress-up, but it's nice to know Flickr is playing host to a few of our kind. The photos we have are beautiful, and I find that dolls more than many other models have much more of a story to tell, so I dearly hope this group prospers.

There's a nice slideshow for the curious here.

'Desert' by Emilie Simon

2008-02-01T20:35:00.000Z

The videoblog is back! I shall let this video speak for itself. It's just so breathtaking.

Meme Me!

2008-01-30T11:23:00.000Z

Thanks, Soph. :P A bit right, but also wide of the mark. Programmer, moi?

Well, I shall have to break out my lab coat now. Scientist Barbie?

You Are An INTJ

The Scientist

You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.
Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.
You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.
Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you.

In love, you are always striving to improve your relationship.
You have strong ideas of what love should be like.

At work, you excel in figuring out difficult tasks. People think of you as "the brain."
You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

How you see yourself: Reasonable, knowledgeable, and competent

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Aloof, controlling, and insensitive.

What's Your Personality Type?

My Favourite Moments

2008-01-10T00:12:00.000Z

These are the times when everything just stops. The world fades away, the room turns to haze and there's just me and my loved one, face to face... or perhaps I'm on my own, sprawled out on cushions or suspended in my glass jar, with all the world as mine to contemplate.

It's at times like these I feel truly real. I owe these times to those who've loved me and granted me so many opportunities in life. Just to take it all in is sheer satisfaction for a doll such as I.

A Rubberdoll's Tale

2008-01-06T16:32:00.001Z

If I were to name the top indulgence I'm not currently fulfilling enough, it would be erotic fiction. As I'm slowly beginning to discover, there is a fairly big community out there made up of people who fetishise dolls, and while I personally can't place much fetish attention on my own body, I certainly do enjoy reading about other people's fantasies. It's in my nature to indulge these, after all!

One story that caught my attention was the photo-narrative Fetish Fairytale. Quite a short story, and one that alas does not have much of an ending, but I found it compelling and exciting all the same. Once again, the organics of First Life are seeking to emulate doll form, but this one's got a pretty sexy angle to it. ;)

Hmm... I wonder if plasticising my First Life puppet would make my digital existence easier, or more difficult to manage...

KISS +10

2008-01-06T15:25:00.000Z

As soon as I saw this, I just thought "Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Please."

So, although I'm sorry for breaking tradition with these posts and am instead focusing on something available to First Life alone, I will not hesitate any longer in asking that somebody make this in-world. I have never seen lips this shiny, and to be accompanied with a porcelain skin would be to fulfil some of my deepest dreams. It's a bit of a curse not to be able to re-paint myself, but if another doll-maker were to grant me this wish, I'd be overjoyed, I can tell you. :)

A Vision Of Extropia

2008-01-02T01:38:00.000Z

My love, Sophrosyne.. always an inspiration.

As Soph explains in her own article, we of Extropia are asking our citizens to lay out what it is they think Extropia is, what it can be, and how they can help shape it. Of course, we too are Citizens, so I think it only fair we Directors all chip in. Following Soph's lead, of course.

Without wishing to be too poetic about it, Extropia is my home. No matter which body I'm inhabiting, be it virtual doll or fleshy human, I live to play. I long to create, to have my way with the world, and I do so with an optimistic outlook. To live in a world where this is all others demand of you is far more than a dream come true. This is my overall idea of the place. What do I dare imagine for Extropia's future? More of the same, though it'd be especially nice to think our Citizens will feel just as much at home here.

Extropia holds much of value to me. Not only is it the chief focus of my time and work these days, it's also the home of those I cherish. It's a place where others can come from far and wide and just kick off a conversation thanks to our mutual interests. My 'friends' list grew by an extra half within only a couple of months of meeting new people, and is now very likely doubled, which I find remarkable. I'm not exactly reclusive, but I'm no extrovert either. Still, something about Extropia and its people has appeared rather open to me.

There are questions about what we Citizens would like to see more and less of in Extropia. To be quite up-front about things, like I hope our Citizens will be in their responses, I'd have to say "more community space, less individual building". That is to say a lot of a one-sim project especially when we have residentially-angled developments on their way in future, but it's something I feel needs saying about the Core for long-term consideration. My wish for Extropia Core is for it to be the bustling, vibrant hub with private retreats spread to our suburbs. Kind of like Coruscant compared with Naboo. If I had my way, at least half of the houses we have in the Core would move out to the nearest suburban sim at the earliest opportunity, giving breathing space to projects that could, in time, become massive.

One major element I would like to see gone is the idea that we're genuinely out to try and form a government. We of the Board can't deny that in inviting others to live here, we have certain responsibilities to meet your needs and wishes, and we also can't deny that the idea of government is what has led us to this point, but frankly I'd rather we did this as far behind the scenes as we can. We're Citizens too, as I've said. I'd like to think we're more akin to MPs than Washington-based senators, for example. We're stuck in no governmental bubble, we're out amongst you, and therefore as arrogant as it may sound I think we're just as experienced in the way Extropia is evolving. No decision is made dispassionately so long as that's in place.

So, how do I see my role and those of my 'family', we who founded Extropia? I see it as just that. We are founders, guardians, custodians. We've provided a landscape and public fora for things to blossom from, and are now overseeing the growth of a community. As I keep saying, we're a part of that growth too. We'd be quite content to carry on our own individual paths, but feel we have so much to share, and so are keen to become involved in other people's visions too. Of course, nobody would want a Director busy-body barging in on their creations; we're assets to be used just like any other Citizen who may have the sort of experience you need. I'd like to think we govern in the same way, too. No strict ruling unless it's necessary, and no enforced vision other than that of positive gain.

That's my rough vision, anyway.

Blunt Direction

2007-12-23T00:21:00.000Z

Simply because I felt these needed to be written somewhere... perhaps I need someone to nudge me in case I'm not fulfilling them a few years down the line.

Goals for my Second Life:

Build a functional yet spectacular environment for people to live, work and love in.
Foster fun areas worthy of my 'family' and friends, and found communities in the metaverse to keep this place as lively and as thought-provoking as I find the world can be.
Set up shop once more with a much better regime of product development in place. Damn it, I want to sell things. More than that, I want to see people use and enjoy my designs.
Build a proper home for myself and my loving 'family'. Somewhere to express myself, my passions and to spend my built-up passions for those I love.

Goals for my First Life:

Go out and find my niche in this world.
Make a decision as to what creative field I can devote myself to, find a person who inspires me and cling to them. I live for breathtaking 3D worlds and the concept artworks behind them, but cannot achieve that sort of creative power on my own. All I can offer is my keenness to learn, and try as hard as I can to keep my creativity at home as varied and clean as possible. Then when my mentor comes along, I shall do my best so make every moment with them count for something in finding my own experience.
Ensure that I never waste any time any more. Get back to the North of England as soon as possible and try to absorb as much of it as I can. Then, when my study comes to an end, seek out more to push me harder, be it through vocational experience or another batch of tutors.
Make the proper start to my career.

How Very Bizarre!

2007-12-20T00:11:00.000Z

Finally, I've had cause to talk about a book I've read in a spirited discussion in-world, though if this is the way of things to come in the Digital People's Book Club, I may as well resign all responsibility now.

JoJa Dhara had approached my delicious Sophrosyne a little while back, it seems, to borrow the Nexus as a filming location. In the middle of building her set today, though, the poor dear seemed to fall victim to a Grid crash which thankfully I avoided. On my return to the world I found the Nexus to be left open to all and sundry with no auto-return and a deserted film set. A quick clean-up ensued, and then Miss Dhara turned up to try and pick up the pieces. All fairly normal.

Well, we got to talking, her, Arisia Vita and I, and we naturally came to ask what her film was about. During the course of this conversation, however, it emerged that Miss Dhara is a big Duran Duran fan. In fact, she's involved in SL's biggest Duran fan group, the custodians of one Nick the Fish. Well, now this became interesting.

Those of you who've seen my shelf to the bottom right or visited my Shelfari page will know I have read and rather enjoyed a book called Second Lives by Tim Guest. It is in this intriguing journey through the metaverse that I happened to know of Nick the Fish and of Duran Duran's exciting take on second lives. I mentioned this to Miss Dhaga, and naturally she was fairly excited about this! I decided I'd fetch my copy to fulfil her curiosity as to how much of Nick Rhodes' second life is covered in it. I see his name, mentions of their BBC Radio 1 concert, their work with RiversRunRed, a quote from JoJa Dhaga...

'ang on. I realise I'm now looking at a digital person who has her name in print. It quickly turns out that I'm also looking at a digital person who had no idea her name was in print. Hand-shaking panic ensued.

A faint dream of mine has just come alive through another person. I was genuinely surprised that Miss Dhaga had no idea she'd appeared in the book, but there it is, a year on. On the face of it, this really isn't such a major, Earth-shattering discovery, but it's one heck of an introduction to a person only three minutes into seeing them for the first time. I mentioned signs of things to come with the Digital People's Book Club, but this incident re-opens a whole slew of scary and exciting thoughts for me. How many other people in Extropia will become or are already known outside this world? Is this sort of thing likely to happen often?

Who knows? I just know that I would now be very excited to see my own name appear in a book like this. Good on you, JoJa. ^_^

Clingy and Confident

2007-12-18T16:04:00.000Z

In a poll for 'Second Life's sexiest wardrobe options', Asian Catsuit Reloaded by Sintimacy would rate very highly, possibly highest on my nominations.

With many thanks due to Sexy Second once more, I was led to Sintimacy's new store location in Bartolome d'Alliez. I've visited Sintimacy once before and was impressed at their range of club wear and catsuits, if not the suitability to my own tastes. Still, if this number is any indication of the path that the shop's designers are taking, I shall have to watch this store with a keen eye.

Asian Catsuit Reloaded is, I assume, an improvement on a previous design. For just over L$300, you can grab yourself a slice of this over-layer body tapestry with copy privileges included. The outfit is 'no mod', but to be honest I see little reason to want to modify anything save for the trousers, and lo, they are the one item that can be tweaked. As I prefer my outfits to be as tight as possible, I simply brought the trouser cuffs in from the flared standard.

So, to the details. The outfit comes with the trouser and jacket options you see as well as some fairly decent shoes to match, called Confidence. To be quite honest, these really are the sorts of heels that could have you stride the world, they're so deliciously mean and stilettoed. The latex gleam to them does seem to distort a little with the strange angles this will bend your foot into, but in an outfit like this, it seems unlikely anyone would be looking to your feet.

Sintimacy have done a good job of wrapping nice extras into this package. Though they're not to my tastes, the curious may avail of the body lighting system in here. It's so good, I actually didn't notice I had one until I saw a strange attachment on my chin when making this an automated outfit. Subtle illumination always earns a brownie point in my mind. There's also a lip piercing in here, with all privileges attached so it can be moulded to your tastes. As dolls cannot actually be pierced without much heavy drilling, I skipped this extra too. Oh, and there are a set of gloves. These are made to the same pattern as the catsuit, but probably suit a darker skin than mine. With the clothes so dark on their own, I found my own image was being lost when I covered my arms up.

Now, then. As much as the generous extras are a neat addition, this is not why I bought the suit and is almost certainly not why it may catch your eye. This suit has the sort of neck and chest line that just has me screaming.

Where can one begin with a suit so beautifully shined up (check out the bum in particular), such Barbarella-worthy striping across the neck and back (so perfect as to 'strobe' my monitor), and cut so divinely around a woman's best features? As a fan of long hair myself, I tend to opt for waist-length ponytails or fluffy shoulder styles with many of my outfits, but this one has me fumbling for the shortest wigs I can manage. I had no idea a woman's derriere could look so small and pert until I clapped eyes on the sharp angle at the small of the back. The latex panel over the shoulder blades also lends a superb touch to a smooth waistline, while the front has an opposite effect. Not an outfit for a cold day by any means, I am in awe at the way one catsuit can cut so cleanly around breasts and torso both.

It is, alas, a costume for women with such ridiculous anatomies as mine, and though I have been thoroughly bowled over by its sculpted look, it seems that women with shapely forms as First Life intended may not gain quite so much from such a revealing garment. Trying the top on in anything 'B' cup or below seemed to lose much of the eye-boggling composition. Likewise, the torso panels seem reliant on a corseted waist to achieve their full effect. The leg and backside patterning, on the other hand, seems to take best to a wide pair o' hips.

So, if you live by the rule of "got it, flaunt it", I heartily suggest you try this clingy beauty. I'm not saying that I've "got it", necessarily, but if I didn't before I certainly feel I'm close now thanks to Sintimacy.

Credits:

Asian Catsuit Reloaded by Istephanija Munro for Sintimacy
Rigel hair by Helyanwe Vindaloo for Deviant Kitties
Biba Sultry 2 skin, available from Tete a Pied

Let Me Check My Diary...

2007-12-18T00:18:00.000Z

Oh, good grief. Now that Google Calendars can be shared, and my appointments can be shown in any given timezone, I finally see the full ridiculous nature of my 'available' slots from an SLT standpoint. I can only apologise.

Still. If you want to arrange a meet in-world or just see what I'm up to, this'll probably be the best place to look. You can follow the link through to my main calendar if you so wish.

The Perils of Shopping

2007-12-17T23:25:00.000Z

This is me not shopping inside Sintimacy, having followed a link hurriedly from Sexy Second to try and nab myself a hot catsuit. This is me fleeing from the Prokofy Neva infohub I somehow got landed at as the next best alternative, according to SL. Given that my map had a large, sim-sized void in it very near to Ross' borders, I decided to try flying in. Next thing I knew, I went where my puppeteer's strings could no longer follow.

Shopping is lethal.

Tapping On The Looking Glass

2007-12-15T01:33:00.000Z

I have recently decided that there is only one flaw to my life in this virtual realm. It's one that encompasses both the being I am and also the limits of my organic puppeteer's tools as they stand.

I cannot touch.

No doll can. Those who love us may imagine that we do, but deep inside, even the most tender of embraces is without sense. You may feel my cool, hard, porcelain skin against your warm cheek and feel comforted by it, and this in turn comforts me, but I can never reach out and touch those I love the same way that they reach out to me. I'm not sure whether I actually feel loss because of this, but there's an absence that I now can't ignore.

Such is life as an object of beauty, perhaps.

Ripped and Sheer

2007-12-11T12:21:00.000Z

I'm a doll who has an unnatural predilection for lycra. Skin-tight fits are sexy, there's no doubt about it. I'm often at my flirtiest when encased in some shimmering catsuit, my every curve pushed and pulled by breathable fabric where my 'skin' doesn't actually need to breathe. There's another side to this sort of clothing, however, and it's one summed up rather neatly in Barbarella, now I think about it.

Stockings and tights are occasionally torn. It's a fact of First Life, and while before now I would have sneered at a laddered garment, something about Sheer convinced me that there's something very fine indeed about the grungier look.

It was the glamourous Miss Dot Lane, girl reporter, who introduced me to this nylon emporium. Dot's done a lot to direct my interest towards the more 'punky' walks of fashion since I met her, and Sheer is one such place I've plummeted giddily into, Linden dollars fluttering in my wake. My whole outfit here was bought from there, though I don't have the names of each piece to hand thanks to service outage.

Still, the store has three such fine dresses on sale in quite a prominent place. I opted for one with a nylon undershirt (by appearance only - Sheer sell nylon vests and suchlike seperately) and a very cute frilly miniskirt. Much to my surprise and relief, the skirt fits an hourglass form like mine without any modification. The dressmaker has also been very generous in offering many options for wear. One may wear the dress with or without that nylon collar, and on any layer of their choosing. A perfect set-up for someone like me whose 'underlayers' are reserved for sheen!

Sheen are also pretty cunning. One prominent piece of my outfit is the tights. I've never been one to try stripes before, but I saw these and simply had to give them a shot. The fact that the box comes with torn and 'clean' varieties simply sweetened the deal, and for just L$150! The trouble then, though, was that my steadily darkening image was showing my arms as far too pale and boring. But lo and behold, just around the corner, cheap nylon gloves. Again, two options are included, for lengths to the wrist and elbow. Though there are no torn gloves here, the pair will only set you back L$50 a piece. So, add-ons within Sheer are a big must, and a sore temptation. Still, with all pieces going copyable and transferable, it's hard to pay the shop any ill feeling for reducing me to a dribbling wreck.

Now then. I have a set of nylons and a ruffled dress that set the perfect scene for a well-played-with doll, with a look that I imagine pays some degree of homage to Blade Runner's Pris. I have dark hair to match, and a freebie spiked collar that sadly seems to have to replace my beloved 'sub' collar just to keep this noir look going. But what about footwear?

I've always been more fascinated with pretty dresses and costumes than shoes, which means I've let my inventory down in this regard, but once more I lean on Shiny Things to help me through and find the perfect match. The shoes I opted for are a steel variety of 'clompers', if I recall correctly. Given my lack of nice heels (the pair of 'Vixen's I've been tramping about all these long months leave much to be desired), I'm sure that as well as having this new tragic doll look to exploit, I'll also be set for shoes for some time to come.

My apologies for the lack of reliable credits in this post. I'll try to update with all the SL URLs and brands you could need when the Lindens open my imaginary portal back to this dream world we call Second Life.

The Lush Pastures Of Home

2007-12-09T02:26:00.000Z

It's hard to find views like this in your own homelands and not feel overwhelmingly proud. This was yesterday, though, and even since then the view has changed, been bettered, been made more homely by the people living here.

Truly, we have done good here, I feel.

Hope

2007-12-06T21:11:00.000Z

I wonder where the phrase "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" actually came from. It's a sentiment that's bounded about many times, but only now do I start to appreciate its meaning. I haven't lost anybody, thank goodness, but I'm still not whole. I'm losing out, I'm losing chances, I'm losing touch. When I log into SL during comfortable hours, the place is a wasteland. All I can do is build or potter about and hope to have fun or be particularly productive. Only past 2 o'clock in the morning do the real beauties of my Second Life shine through, and it's at this point that the reigns of First Life are either slowly dragged tight or they completely yank me back.

I wish there was a way to get around it. I honestly do. Though Second Life and Extropia are worlds unto themselves, uniting I and my loved ones in one place, we only ever have uncertain weekends to be with each other. Any other time of the week, I may as well be watching from the next sim. I feel I've had a wake-up call. I feel... foreign. It seems the best remedy I could hope for is to uproot my First Life and live in the States, but that's plainly ridiculous. I worry, though, that so many of my thoughts are turning dark because of these limits.

Is it really better to love and lose, or will the price seek to consume me? Don't get me wrong, I have never had more wonderful times than those I share with my loves here, but I feel the pressure on them as well as myself come the lonely nights and missed engagements. I believe that my recent sorrowful mood in-world is directly tied to this, as it's the same feeling I share with First Life. I struggle on to make the most of what I can, but can't shake the feeling I'm also damaging myself in the process. It's tough to prove yourself to anyone but your self when there's so little contact with those that drive you and give you reason to live. I look at this state from a distance and see no way out, and that too worries me.

It is with a hefty sigh that I concede to my nature. I really am a doll, not alive, but dormant. Destined to sit on the shelf for much of my life until the glorious, fulfilling glimpses of my lovers wash over me and bring me out of my shell. I hope that accepting this may help make my shelf times easier to swallow, but here just as in First Life, I think I hope more to meet a kindred soul.

My apologies if I've caused anybody any worry over the past few weeks, especially my loves in Extropia. I try to deal with these issues myself, but sometimes just need to write them down. Please, don't feel obligated to help. I'll be here for you as much as I can. It's my purpose in life to make this work, for everyone concerned. I know I have your support without you even uttering a word or lifting a finger, and that's what's keeping me running. I love you so dearly.

Superdoll

2007-12-06T12:46:00.001Z

This delicious ident has been haunting my televisual viewing all week as I anxiously awaited the finale in 'Heroes'. Now that the series of four have been placed on the BBC's website, I thought it fitting to show this brief, exhilirating glimpse of greatness. If I turned superhero overnight, I could certainly do worse than emulating Claire Bennett! Well, her or Candice. Mmm, shapeshifting...

Too Late to the Party

2007-12-06T12:00:00.000Z

Last night I'm fairly sure I brought dishonour to my commitment as a reliable dolly companion. I'm also pretty certain I missed a wonderful shindig, and I missed a chance to spend quality time with the people I love most. So, although I had the wonderful chance at some time with late-night Galatea whole eating my breakfast today, this is about the closest I could get to being a part of last night.

It was Argent's half-rezday yesterday, which is to say she passed the 6-month age gap inside Second Life. Sadly, because my silly organic puppet couldn't even make it to 3am GMT, I have only this tribute to offer, but I shan't be one to mope.

My love, I raise a glass to you. You've made an immense impact on me and likely anyone who's ever set eyes upon you. Your charm, grace and powerful imagination give me someone to aspire to, and I'm immensely thankful we ever became entwined all those months ago. Here's to another 6 months of glamourous adventures and the very best company a doll could ask for. Happy rez-day, Argent of Extropia.

Fact Attack

2007-12-04T02:21:00.000Z

Curse you, Dot Lane! Struck down by the irresistible curse of the meme. Oh well, it's my try at this inside the metaverse, so.. here goes.

The rules as they seem to stand (Anglicised version):

You've got to post (on your own blog) 8 random facts about yourself.
You've got to tag 8 more people to post, so post their names at the end of your blog post!
Be sure to leave a comment in your taggee's blogs so they know they're tagged!!
Be sure to post these rules in your own post so your victims know what to do!!

Eight random facts about Vidal Tripsa:

Though I live my life as a doll here, I actually own not one First Life doll to covet.
I harbour a not-so-secret passion for any woman with a sultry stare. Clare Forlani, you rocked my world.
I'm almost always seeing the world with BBC Radio 2 playing away in the background.
As much as I long for equality in all people (at least as far as cultural integrity is maintained), I rarely dare leave the house on a casual day without dressing myself in some form of latex catsuit, fishnet stockings or scandalous skirt.
I have only ever altered my shape once since my rez-day, and that was just to ensure I have a corset shape to hand if needed. I've had this figure since day one. I fear that any migration into the physical realm would render me immobile; my body is that impractical.
I enjoy jumping and SL parkour far more than is probably healthy. I pride myself on somehow being able to judge my leaps to within a few centimetres. I also have an odd tendency to sit atop flagpoles whenever I see them.
In First Life, I horde fashion magazine clippings into Picasa like there's no tomorrow, despite having little desire any more to make in-world creations from their inspiration, nor actually having much patience for drawing practices with them. I think I just like 'prettiness'.
I'm really only involved in making Extropia Core for the money. Or perhaps that's just a scandalous mistruth to fill a slot I find so hard to field honestly.

Soph, Gala, Ciel, Argent, Centrasian, Danellion.. I choose you!

An Interesting New Scrapbook...

2007-12-01T17:22:00.001Z

Whaddya know? Animoto can produce amazing videos in.. actually very little time. I only wish I had some hand in making the images and audio before you. Still, it's one up on the Picasa slideshows I seem to have some difficulty sharing. Enjoy.

End

2007-12-01T00:10:00.000Z

Never before have I yearned so much to escape this First Life. To fly off somewhere, be myself for a short while, see new things, try out new ideas, maybe even try being a different person just to see what it's like. Is it too much to ask to be treated like a person rather than a hired hand, an obstacle, or something of an outcast? That's how I feel right now, as my non-dolly self. It'd be nice to some day live in a world where I don't feel limited by my own personality.. my sense of self. Somehow it's like my personality is actually outgrowing the corporeal realm.

Roll on the digital migration. Hurry up and shift time scales back so I'm at university, happy. Something, please. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm suffering, or that I'm considering drastic measures of any sort, but my GODS I miss purpose and well-being. It seems to breed an endless cycle within me.. one of disappointment, failure to crawl out, then apathy.

Or perhaps I just haven't made my First Life lovely enough. Who knows? All the same, I have never been more grateful for the love of my family than now. It only hurts me to know that I seem to appreciate this only when I'm.. well, when I'm moaning. Perhaps I'm not the best of doll companions that one could hope for.

Befriending Hippos

2007-11-29T16:44:00.001Z

Second Life can be funny a lot of the time, and more often 'funny strange' than 'funny ha ha', but this just took the biscuit.

I demand to know what has become of my new hippo friends. I see them nowhere.

Thinking Too Much Again...

2007-11-28T23:15:00.001Z

There's a question which has been bugging me across the whole metaverse for a fair while now:

"What am I doing?"

I never seem to have a straight answer, and this worries me. I'd be the last person to consider doing something against my own will, say, just because someone demands or expects it of me unless absolutely necessary, in which case I find an excuse to make it in my best interests. Nevertheless, there comes an embarassing moment when family or long-lost friends ask what you're up to and all you can do is blink.

I'm used to this in First Life. Often blinking involves a much lengthier conversation than I would have saying "I'm studying games design at uni right now". But in Second Life, where my existence has purpose and meaning, and I actually go around claiming great things? Blinking just isn't right.

I feel as though my work here is turning into a bit of an echo of what Shirow Street was. I wasn't sure what I was doing then. I have much more of an idea now, but communicating that idea is hard when things are still being built. Worse still, I think I'm yet to appreciate the true gain of what I and my family are doing here. We're all working our socks off, and people come and go with very positive experiences, but somehow it's still not falling into place.

I feel as though I can't commit anywhere, flitting between a Nexus which is nearly complete anyway, a cinema which may end up deserted even into well after I've finished it, and a home which is still yet to come to fruition purely because I'm having a hard time imagining anything cohesive. There's also the major irritation of being plucked back into First Life right when anything of consequence happens. Honestly, I think it cruel fate that most of my design epiphanies come on Thursday nights. I work Out There on Fridays from 9 'til 6.

It all boils down to yet another excuse to have a moan, I suppose. It'd be nice to have a really positive idea to write about, but sadly most of what I think about has to stay on notepads or be put immediately into action on what I build. It's like I've lost my creative therapy somehow.

My Own Little Corner of Extropia

2007-11-28T16:29:00.000Z

Here it is, my executive home from home. This took about a day and a half to cobble together, and is my own little studio and meeting spot inside Extropia Core's Central Nexus. It's completely open, too! If you want to drop in, have a poke around, or set up a meeting for goodness knows what reason, you can just look to the telehub outside my Doll's House.

When not sat at my desk, or when people come over, the bottom level of this office is used for generating ideas. I can brainstorm in here, surrounded by the artworks and media that inspire me. The TV loops 60s sci-fi screenshots and captures from art deco films, while the photo boards pick the best of my Picasa scrapbooks for display in-world. On the levels above stand photos of Extropia at its finest, coupled with astounding views of the entire sim. I may have to rig up a sleeping bag somewhere on the floor.

A Brief Ego Trip

2007-11-27T00:28:00.000Z

Just a quickie, and I hope you'll forgive the self-indulgence here, but I feel very proud now. Extropia done got blogged about! Even better, it's a blog about the kind of culture and events we're starting up here, which is far more wondrous than the inane pointing I can do to the fact that's my building in those photos. ;P

Next week, we even have a live gig coming our way. Times are moving quickly on, despite the fact that my own work here seems far too slow to be keeping up. Oo-er.

Bursting At The Seams

2007-11-19T22:28:00.000Z

If I were to name only one thing I can always rely on my beloved Argent for, it is her ability to really get my mind blown open and working on all cogs. My talented and beautiful muse has recently been reminding me of quite a few ways I might seek to express myself through the world around me, and I'm really getting quite excited to do something about it.

One aspect of my First Life which reflects with greater clarity than most upon my Second is my love of beautiful things. I positively covet anything which excites my senses, and if I can't buy it or touch it, I'll take a photo or store someone else's in my Picasa gallery for later. Recently I've been exposing myself to a lot more of what the fashion industry can offer. I'm not so much looking for fabulous clothes to wear or try to tailor to my dolly self... I tend to covet the photos which just reek of quality, or samples of the models who I seem to be unable to draw my eyes from.

It's a very solitary hobby, I must admit, and in some regards is perhaps downright creepy and candid depending on your viewpoint. I do have a big desire to share, though. In the same way I wish one day to share creations of my own making with the (virtual) world, I feel an overwhelming desire to share what I believe to be beautiful by others' hands too. The troublesome question is, how do I accomplish this?

I've tried it in blog form before. Some publications like Art Deco or One Photo A Day do this exceptionally well, but with my indecipherable scatterbrain way, I tend to be as rambling with my photo shares as I do my narrative thoughts. So, what's the solution? What would be the Second Life way of doing things? If artworks are represented as canvasses in-world, it would seem I need a gallery. For the objects I covet, I would need a glass cabinet. For the beautiful company I keep, I need a home in which to entertain.

There we have it: the reason why I haven't touched 3DS Max in months on end, and the chief nemesis to my pencil drawing habits. It's also my third-best reason for staying inside this fabulous world, surpassed only by the chance to be with my loved ones and to be myself around them.

One For Me, One For You

2007-11-19T22:14:00.000Z

The so-called Web 2.0 is quite a fascinating thing, but it's recently come to my attention that part of this technology (namedly Second Life) has forced change in the way I, the entity who is marionette and puppeteer both, have come to embrace it.

You could say that I've lived a few second lives in the past as extensions of my first, even if they were just limited to an online identity of some sort. A fanatic here, a game designer there, even a fetishist in some darker quarters out there. I could be a fanatic who also happened to use deviantART, or a game designer who happened to rely on Last.FM to broadcast my musical tastes to the world, but now that I'm a doll with a physical form and noticeable personality, these website choices are becoming much more stark.

Gone are the days where I might link to one persona via another. The fanatic in me would point to the game designer's Last.FM album quilt, for instance. Now though, I feel much more my own person, and much to my amusement it has really forced all my other online personas into the shadows. I still make use of some websites, but they are never touched by my porcelain hands. Likewise, no other life of mine has seen fit to use Shelfari. The inconvenience is just too great. But I wonder, is this also perhaps down to some fear? That perhaps, if I tried opening such wonderful sites as Shelfari to more aspects of my self, that some people may go out of their way to make connections? Have I any fear of that, and if I do, is it justified?

I think this is the most specific symptom of digital personhood that I've come across, and I'm keen to know if anybody else has had similar experience. Now, to go through the arduous process of logging myself out of a dozen websites all at once just to check my 'other' Gmail...

Extropia by Windlight

2007-11-15T11:19:00.000Z

Never have I been happier with our mutual choice to make a sim with plenty of water about it. Windlight might send my graphics card 'round the loop at even its lowest spangly setting, but the 2 frames-per-second I got to move my camera with were worth it last night.

The Doll's Curse

2007-11-12T22:49:00.000Z

My life is one of whimsy. By admission of my own profile it has moulded me into a rather happy-go-lucky sort as a result. Today, however, I got a pang of what I can only describe as the Doll's Curse: immortality.

On the one hand, my life is perfect. I live in a world of perpetual youth; I can look old if I want to, but never do. Instead, I take the same form every day, never growing wrinkled, overweight or deformed. I'm a living embodiment of somebody's idea of perfect beauty. There's perhaps no better state for a doll than one with a guarantee that I will, in fact, remain this way for as long as I want, and it's because of this that whoever made me saw fit to place me into this world.

Until now, I'd ignored the downside to such immortality. That appears to be that not everyone else is a doll like me. Even a doll could be considered mortal insofar as she may be broken, but with fingers crossed that this may never happen, I am a being sustained by pure thought. My biggest fear right now is the idea that I could outlive those I love, and talk at my darling Sophrosyne's journal has made me frighteningly aware of that.

Even being adopted into a family with artificial people doesn't guarantee I'll always have somebody to love me. Surely a gynoid's batteries will eventually wear down? If they can be replaced, is there any guarantee that other models like her will still made? I have the advantage of never needing batteries, but be you android or human, you'll never enjoy such a curse.

There's also the notion of my own eternal looks. In a world without decaying atmospheres, my skin and looks will remain ever-present. But if my gynoid lovers are fated to upgrades somewhere down the line, does this mean that eventually I will fail to recognise them? There seems little question that I could love any one of my family and friends in whatever shape they may take, but I would remain the same doll. The difference there could be heart-wrenching.

I wonder if this is simply a case of fearing immortality itself, or perhaps another example of deep-down gynoid envy. There seem to be angles both positive and negative to spin on either species' lifestyle, but from my side of the fence at least, I find myself wanting to be so much more like those who love me, just to avoid these irrational anxieties. Perhaps it is Ciel Stenvaag-Bury's compelling blend of utterly beautiful doll and self-animation that has prompted this after all..

A Sneak Peek

2007-11-10T14:06:00.000Z

Without wishing to give too much away before opening on Sunday (details), I thought I might offer the curious few who read this the chance of a sneak peek at Extropia Core's chief hub. It is by far the most complex thing I've ever built, and has certainly taught me a lot about prim work (mainly how some geometric forms are just rendered impossible), but at the end of the day, if people can fit in it and waltz in and out without problems then I'm a happy dolly.

It's worth noting that the hexagons in the background may not be there in the final build, or at least not all of them will. We're still planning, after all. ;)

First Steps

2007-11-06T11:30:00.001Z

Last night, I set foot on brand new lands. Lands set to be sculpted by the hands of my family and friends, and to be populated by architecture which has swirled around my thoughts for the past few months.

Then I proceeded to frolic in the oceans, sail to the borders in Gala's yacht and lay on a picnic rug sipping champagne with my loved ones. Inspirational and fun.

Here's hoping everyone else sees Extropia Core through similar eyes.

I Have Seen the Future!

2007-11-06T10:54:00.000Z

Yesterday and, in repeat form, for the rest of the week, BBC4 is debuting its three-part documentary series called Visions Of The Future. The first episode was an exciting one: The Intelligence Revolution, led along by the charismatic Dr. Michio Kaku.

The film discussed a number of aspects to artificial intelligence, some of which even echo my personal life inside the Metaverse. The migration of users to message boards and instant messaging, how this has evolved into virtual worlds, the application of robots which can give the illusion of emotion, how scientists are trying to push this beyond a mere impression.. the list goes on. Basically, if you have the chance to catch a repeat sometime this week, tune in to BBC4. Even if transhumanism and the advancement of AI doesn't intrigue you, it is a treat to see Dr. Kaku's avatar zoom around some of the best sim designs I've never seen and set down at Shiny Things to talk with its proprietor, Fallingwater Cellardoor. The film-makers also talk to her First persona and how she met her now-husband in the online space, covering in one broad sweep a lot of what it means to be a Second Life avatar.

Moving beyond this is the fascinating demonstration of 'tele-immersion', a branch of technology that I'd not seen before. As someone whjo is both puppeteer and puppet both, I'm intrigued by anything which allows more tactile mastery of my virtual self, or indeed which allows me a greater spectrum of expression. Just as a corporeal puppet may dance her way across a stage, her handler performing a tender ballet with strings, it seems there may soon be a chance to express the smallest of gestures with cameras, motion detection and a high-speed broadband connection. Dr. Kaku demonstrated a setup which allowed him to dance with a virtual partner, or rather, the on-screen representation of a woman hundreds of miles away. Though the lack of tactile and spatial senses would likely be a bit disorientating, the ultimate illusion of a well-orchestrated dance is quite amazing. Perhaps some day I can use something like this to express my puppet form?

I could ramble on about the many ideas crammed into this documentary, but to be honest so much of it best described visually. The film seems to serve as a reminder of Dr. Kaku's overarching theory; that while the 20th century was the one in which we discovered advanced technology, the 21st is when we will learn to master it. Humans becoming more machine-like and machines developing a human sense of emotion.. it's going to be a mad little world out there in First Life! To save headaches, perhaps just wake me when that mastery takes in true beauty and we have pristine autonomous dolls walking the street. Better still, wake me when I can inhabit one with my thoughts and consciousness.